Jesus Heals the Paralytic

Today's Sunday school lesson...

We started out with a modern example of an amazing quadriplegic who is truly one of my heroes. As I was preparing the lesson, I watched this video, and it occurred to me that the man in the Bible story from Mark 2 may have had similar thoughts and struggles to what Joni went through. (She also explains what a quadriplegic is in this video, for those who don't know.) In addition to showing the video, I showed some of my paintings (which I did with my hands), and compared them to Joni's paintings (which she did with her teeth!) I think hers are much better than mine, even if you don't take into account the hands/teeth thing.


You may remember how we learned a couple months ago about how Jesus healed the servant of a Roman general, called a centurion, in the city of Capernaum. The centurion asked Jesus to help his dying servant, and before the guy even got home, he found out his servant was well!

Another time, Jesus came to Capernaum to teach. Word got around that Jesus had come home, and everyone wanted to hear what He was gonna tell them. Houses were small at that time, and they usually only had one room. Pretty soon, the house where He was teaching was standing room only, and then there wasn’t even room for that! People kept gathering outside the house straining to hear what Jesus was saying.

Nearby, there lived a quadriplegic. They didn’t have wheelchairs at the time, and the only way disabled people could get around was if their friends helped them. Most people didn’t have beds, so they slept on mats instead. Mats could easily be rolled up and put away so people had room in their small houses to do other things during the day. This paralyzed man and his friends had heard that Jesus could heal things that the doctors couldn’t. They knew they had to get to Him, but what could they do? The house where Jesus was teaching was bursting with a huge crowd of people! They couldn’t exactly walk up to Him and ask Him to heal their friend. So they came up with a creative plan.

Houses were small and only had one room. They also had flat roofs and outdoor stairways leading up to the roofs. That way they had more space to do stuff on top of the house. Roofs were made of mud brick, thatch and other materials. The paralyzed man’s friends saw that even if they couldn’t walk through the door, they had access to the stairs leading up to the roof. So they carried their friend on his mat up the stairs to the roof.

Pretty soon the people down below started hearing footsteps above. Weird. Who was on the roof? Wait a minute! What’s this? Suddenly a shaft of sunlight came through the roof where there shouldn’t be sunlight! Someone was moving away the mud and other stuff that made up the roof, making a hole in the roof right above Jesus! The hole kept growing! Pretty soon, the sunlight was blocked by something being placed in the hole! They watched as slowly, carefully, a paralyzed man was lowered on his mat to the floor at Jesus’ feet. The house was pretty crowded, but somehow they managed to make room for the guy being lowered from above.

Jesus was impressed with their faith. They trusted Him so much that they went to great lengths to get their friend to Him, because they knew He could heal him. So Jesus said to the guy, “Your sins are forgiven.”

There were some religious leaders in the crowd, and they weren’t too happy to hear Jesus say that. They didn’t say anything, but they were thinking about how only God had the right to forgive sins, and if Jesus was saying this, that meant He was claiming to be God. They didn’t think Jesus could be God, because He was just a man!

But they didn’t know that Jesus could read their minds. They were sure surprised when Jesus turned to them and said, “Why are you thinking that? I could say ‘Your sins are forgiven’ or ‘Get up, take your mat and walk.’ Which is easier?”

Imagine how speechless they must have been that Jesus read their minds! Then in case they didn’t get that, He went on, “But you need to know that the Son of Man has the authority to forgive sins.” He turned back to the guy on the mat and said to him, “Dude, get up! Take your mat and go home!”

The paralyzed man stood up! For the first time in a long time (maybe ever), he rolled up his own mat. The amazed crowd cleared a path for him and watched in stunned silence as he carried his mat and walked out of the house! In awe, people in the crowd said, “We’ve never seen anything like this in our lives!” Many people believed in Jesus’ message that day.

The Lord's Prayer

Today's Sunday school lesson from Luke 11 and Matthew 6...


Jesus had an interesting way of teaching. Sometimes He didn’t teach people what they expected Him to teach. He would do it by example. Sometimes He told stories to help people to understand a point. Sometimes He used miracles. One of his stories had some surprising news about who we were supposed to love. The Samaritans, who the Jews hated, were supposed to be loved and treated with respect. To teach that, He told a story about how respected Jews didn’t help a wounded man, but a Samaritan did. When Jesus visited His friends Mary and Martha, Martha was surprised when Jesus told her it was better for Mary to be listening and learning than to help Martha prepare the meal.

Jesus made a point of praying all the time. His disciples saw Him doing this, and one day, one of them had a request. “Jesus, can You teach us how to pray? John the Baptist taught his disciples how to pray, and it would be really cool if you could teach us that too.”

Jesus thought that was a great idea. So He told them to pray something like this:

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be Your name.
Your Kingdom come,
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For Yours is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.

Then Jesus told them a parable. Imagine with me that an old friend suddenly showed up at your door one night and needed to spend the night. They’ve been traveling a long way, and they’re really hungry. They didn’t call ahead and tell you they were coming, but they’re such a good friend that you just can’t turn them down! But…oh no! You don’t have any food to feed them, because you didn’t know they were coming! So what do you do? You go to your friendly neighbor’s house and knock on the door to ask if they could share some food. All the stores are closed in the middle of the night, so you can’t exactly go shopping. But it’s midnight, and your neighbor, who is so nice during the daytime, is in bed. People don’t like it when someone knocks on their door asking for food in the middle of the night! So your neighbor says, “Are you kidding? Go ‘way! The door is locked, we’re all in bed, and it’s too late! Who eats a big meal at midnight anyway?” The neighbor might not give you anything because you’re friends, but because you dared to come knocking and ask, and maybe to make sure you still think well of them, the neighbor will get up and give you something to serve your guest. So ask. It will be given to you. Search and you’ll find. Knock, and they’ll open the door.

Now imagine you’re all grown up and you have kids. One day your son asks you, “Can I have a fish?” Would you say, “Naah, I think I’ll give you a snake instead!”? What if he asks for an egg? Would you give him a scorpion? Of course not! Just think…if you know what’s good to give others, how much more does God know what’s good to give you?

The "Steven Paraphrase":

Dad in heaven,
You are holy and so much more awesome
than anything or anyone else.
Rule as King over our lives,
Whatever you want to happen, make it happen,
here on earth just like in heaven.
Give us food to eat today,
and forgive us for our sins,
in the same way that we’ve forgiven
people who have been mean to us.
Don’t let us be tempted,
but save us from evil.
You are our King forever.
Nobody is stronger than You.
You are glorious forever and ever.
I agree.

~~~

I found some pictures to illustrate Luke 11:11-12: "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?"

"Fred Phelps, why do you persecute Me?"

"Persecution"
© May 29, 2013 Steven Sauke
All Rights Reserved

As many people know, Fred Phelps is the pastor of Westboro Baptist Church, which is famous for protesting funerals of soldiers and other events, purportedly warning people of God's wrath and hatred because of homosexuality and various other issues that they oppose.

God, on the other hand, has a decidedly different opinion on the matter. As the apostle Peter put it in 2 Peter 3:9, "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise [to return and judge the world], as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

Westboro's vitriolic and hateful actions have recently reminded me of another apostle, originally named Saul. Later in life, he told Timothy, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life" (1 Timothy 1:15-16).

What great sin did Saul commit to call himself the worst of sinners? He started out as a Pharisee, a member of a religious sect that was devoted to keeping the Law of Moses to such an extent that they added a bunch of laws to it, and actively sought to root out anyone that broke said laws. When Jesus came to fulfill the Law, they were instrumental in putting Him to death because they felt He spoke blasphemy. After Jesus' death, resurrection, and subsequent ascension into heaven, Saul went berserk trying to get rid of Jesus' followers. He oversaw the stoning of Stephen, which made him instrumental in the first recorded Christian martyrdom. However, as he was on the road to Damascus to spread his bigotry and murderous rampage...

Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” 

“Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked. 

“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.” 

The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.  

In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, “Ananias!”  

“Yes, Lord,” he answered. 

The Lord told him, “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight.”  

“Lord,” Ananias answered, “I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your holy people in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name.”  

But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.”  

Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength.  

Acts 9: 1-19

Saul went on to become Paul, and God used him powerfully to spread the gospel throughout the greater Mediterranean region, possibly even reaching as far as Spain. Paul's life was turned around while he was on the warpath of bigotry.

It occurs to me that if there was hope for Paul, who was not only yelling hateful slogans, but actively trying to bring the subjects of his wrath to "justice" (see: execution), there is hope for Fred Phelps and his band of people in need of a savior. Both Saul and Phelps honestly thought that they were serving God by spreading their hatred, and both were wrong. Saul did a 180 and turned his life around, repenting of his sin and dedicating the rest of his life to making a positive difference in the world. Will Westboro? I hope and pray they do before it's too late and they find themselves standing before God's throne of judgment, only to find that what they thought was a service to God was in fact counterproductive and sinful. If they don't repent, I fear they will hear God tell them, "Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me" (Matthew 25:41-43).

Idioms that Make No Sense

English is a weird language. We say some of the strangest things that make sense to some and are complete lunacy to others.

Cases in point:

Look at you!

What it means: "I'm impressed with you!" (I could be impressed with what you're wearing, how you did your hair, your makeup, something cool that you did or made, etc.)

What I think when I hear it: "Can I use a mirror? I can't exactly see myself, unless you're OK with me just looking at myself from the shoulders down."

I feel you.

What it means: "I understand and can identify with what you are saying."

What I think: "Get away from me!"

I hear you.

What it means: "I understand and can identify with what you are saying."

What I think: "Well, that's a relief! I was worried you had hearing problems."

I know, right?

What it means: "I completely agree with what you just said, and I wish more people understood that."

What I think: "No, you're wrong. You don't know."

LOL

What it means: "Laughing Out Loud", or more accurately, "I find this amusing to some degree, and I may or may not be making any noise at all."

What I think:


Misuse of "literally"

For example: "I literally died."

What they mean: "I was very impressed/appalled/starstruck/had some other strong emotion"

What I think: "Literally? If you literally died, and you're talking to me now, you must have resurrected. It's a miracle!"

The Centurion's Faith

This morning's Sunday school lesson, from Luke 7...


A lot had happened in Israel since the days of the Kings in the Old Testament. Israel and Judah were both taken into captivity, and Judah was eventually allowed to return to their land. But it was never the same. By the time Jesus was born, Judea was a province of the Empire of Rome. The emperor Caesar ruled Rome, and he appointed governors to the provinces. The Roman army had generals called centurions. They were called that because they each commanded centuries of 100 soldiers. (In this case, a century is a group of soldiers, not a group of years.)

Le Centurion (The Centurion),

By French painter Jacques Tissot

Painted between 1886 and 1894

Brooklyn Museum

After Jesus was rejected in Nazareth, He traveled around the area, teaching and healing. During this time, He picked twelve men to teach and become His disciples: Simon Peter, Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon the Zealot, Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot.

Peter lived in Capernaum, and Jesus liked to hang out there a lot. Most of the people in Capernaum were Jews, but there were also people from other cultures who lived there, such as an important Roman centurion. Roman soldiers weren’t very nice to the Jews, and they made them pay taxes. In fact, John the Baptist had to tell the soldiers not to take more in taxes than they were required to take. The Jews hated most centurions, but this one was different. He actually cared for the people in the town, and he even built a synagogue for them! That’s pretty amazing since he probably worshipped Jupiter and the rest of the Roman gods at first. He was also unusual because he cared for his servants. He had a very important servant who was very sick, so sick in fact that he was getting close to dying. The centurion heard that Jesus had come to town, and he sent some Jewish elders to Jesus to ask Him to come quickly to help his servant.  When they found Jesus, they didn’t just ask Him to come…they begged Him! They told Him about how this guy had done so much for them, and he really cared. This was not just any Roman centurion.

Jesus followed them, but before He got to the house, the centurion sent some messengers to say, “Don’t bother coming. I sent others because I wasn’t worthy to come to You myself, and I’m not worthy for You to come to my house. But I know that You are very powerful. You can just say the word, and poof! My servant will be well. I am under authority myself, and I have authority over my soldiers and servants. I tell them ‘Come!’ or ‘Go!’ or ‘Do this!’, and they obey me.” The centurion understood that Jesus had authority that he didn’t have. No matter how much he ordered his servant to get better, it would be impossible. But Jesus had authority over the sickness, and He could command it to leave.

When the messengers passed on the word, Jesus stopped. He was amazed. This guy wasn’t even a Jew! He said, “Wow! I haven’t seen this much faith in all of Israel!”

When the messengers got back to the centurion’s house, they discovered that the servant, who had almost died, was well!

The Finish Line

I wrote this poem back in January of 2005 in memory of our former pastor Brad Smith, who died rather suddenly from a stroke, but I thought in light of the tragedy today at the Boston Marathon, it was appropriate.

This poem makes reference to 2 Timothy 4:7-8, 1 Corinthians 9:24, Philippians 3:14 and John 14.

~~~

With a firm conviction and a strong faith
He ran the race
With all his heart, he encouraged and challenged many
To press on in the race of life
And to follow God earnestly

With a tender and steadfast love,
He was a wonderful husband to his wife,
A superb father to his children,
And a caring shepherd to his flocks.

A godly man,
He challenged us to remain in God's vine
And to pursue Him whole-heartedly
A humble yet goofy man,
He endured pie in the face and the dunking machine
And he made no secret of his disdain for lima beans.

He ran the race so as to gain the prize
And he guided many along the way
He lived his life in service to God
And sooner than anyone expected,
He triumphantly crossed the finish line.

In one stroke in time,
He finished the course
He has gained the prize
For which God called him heavenward
And in white robes and a glittering crown,
He bows before the Master.

He broke the ribbon on the finish line,
A ribbon we all must break some day
May we learn from the way he ran the race
To fix our eyes firmly on our Savior
And in His power, in His time,
We will triumphantly cross the line
And run straight into the loving arms of God.

Jesus Rejected in Nazareth

This morning's Sunday school lesson:


Jesus was very young when He moved from Egypt back to Israel with His parents. In the years that followed, Mary and Joseph had other children, and the growing family lived in Nazareth. Joseph was a carpenter, and he taught his trade to Jesus.

When Jesus grew up, He was baptized, and then He wandered for 40 days without eating, just praying and wandering. Near the end of this time, Satan noticed that Jesus was really super hungry and decided it was time for some mischief. He told Jesus, “If you’re really God’s Son, turn this rock into bread!” But Jesus quoted scripture: “Man does not live by bread alone.” Then Satan took Jesus to a high place and showed Him all the riches and kingdoms of the world. He said, “If you worship me, I’ll give you all this.” But Jesus quoted scripture again: “Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only!” This time, Satan decided two could play at this quoting-scripture thing. He took Jesus to the roof of the temple and said, “OK, then. If You’re really God’s Son, jump off! Scripture says that ‘He will command His angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” But once again, Jesus quoted scripture: “Scram! It also says, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test!’” So Satan left.

The Holy Spirit had come on Jesus when He was baptized, and He was still there after Jesus was done being tempted. He traveled throughout Galilee teaching in the synagogues (Jewish churches), and people started talking. Word was getting around that there was a great teacher who was helping people to understand what the scripture said. Word got back to Nazareth, and one day, Jesus decided to go home. That Saturday, He got up in church and read the words of Isaiah:

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.

Then He rolled up the scroll and sat down. Everyone was watching Him, so He kept talking. “Today, that scripture has been fulfilled!” The townspeople were surprised by what He said, and they wondered, “Wait a minute… Isn’t this Joseph’s boy?” They were impressed!

Jesus went on, “You’re probably going to say, ‘Doctor, heal yourself! Do here in your hometown what we’ve been hearing about you doing in Capernaum! But no. Prophets aren’t accepted in their hometowns. Remember what you learned about Elijah? There was a famine for three and a half years, and Israel had lots of widows. But God didn’t send Elijah to any of them. He sent him to a widow in the town of Zerephath, which wasn’t even in Israel. Then later, lots of people in Israel had leprosy, but God didn’t send the prophet Elisha to any of them. He sent the Syrian general Naaman to Elisha to be healed.”

This really got the Nazarenes steamed. “What do you mean? You won’t save us? You’ll save foreigners instead?!” But they missed the point. Jesus wanted to do miracles in Nazareth, but the people didn’t understand what the widow in Zerephath and Naaman understood. You have to believe. Those two foreigners from so many years earlier believed in God. Their lives were changed because they believed God could heal them. The Israelites in Jesus’ time thought the Messiah would only be for the Jews. But Jesus was saying that the Messiah was for everyone! They didn’t want to share their Messiah with anyone else.

Nazareth was built at the top of a hill. The Nazarenes were so furious with Jesus that they got up and chased Him out of the synagogue, out of town, and to the edge of a cliff so they could throw Him off! But when they got there, Jesus walked through the crowd and left. If the Nazarenes weren’t gonna listen, maybe people from other towns would.

Jesus' Baptism

Today's Sunday school lesson, from Luke 1-3 (with bits of Matthew thrown in)...


The big day came! Mary and Joseph had gone on a difficult journey with a donkey and their supplies to Bethlehem for a census, only to find no place available to stay. So they found a stable, and their bouncing baby was born. It was a big deal. On a tip from some angels, a group of shepherds visited them. Pretty soon, people started leaving after the census, and Mary and Joseph were able to find a house to raise their new son Jesus. A couple years later, some rich wise men came and brought expensive gifts. But on their way, they stopped by the palace in Jerusalem and talked to King Herod. Herod wasn’t too happy about this new King of the Jews, and he secretly plotted to kill Jesus. But an angel warned Joseph about it in a dream, and the family got up and fled to Africa. Maybe you know the country in Africa where they went? It’s called Egypt. They lived in Egypt until Herod died and it was safe to go back home. So after returning from Egypt, Jesus grew up in Joseph’s hometown of Nazareth. Many years passed, and Jesus turned 30.

Back up a little more than 30 years.

Mary was pregnant and scared. She went to her cousin Elizabeth’s house for a while because she heard that Elizabeth, who was too old to have children, was also pregnant. An angel had appeared to her husband Zechariah and told him they would have a son, and they should name him John. Zechariah didn’t believe the angel at first, so God made him unable to speak, until one day when his neighbors were having a discussion about John’s name, and he wrote on a tablet, “His name is John.” Zechariah prophesied that John would be a prophet, and that he would prepare the way for the promised Messiah that Israel had been awaiting for centuries.

The big day came! Elizabeth gave birth to a son, and they named him John. He was born a few months before Jesus, and when John grew up, he lived in the desert. There wasn’t much to eat there, except maybe some delicious locusts and honey. Yum!!

John became a preacher and prophet, just like his dad had prophesied. He often preached and baptized by the Jordan River, and he had an interesting message. He called the people snakes! He told them they needed to change how they acted. They needed to ask God to forgive their sins. They should share their food and their clothes. Tax collectors should only collect as much in taxes as they were required to collect. Soldiers shouldn’t ask for bribes or accuse people falsely. “Oh, and there’s this guy coming. I’m baptizing you with water, but He’ll baptize you with fire and the Holy Spirit.* I’m not even worthy to untie his sandals,” something that slaves normally did. Pretty soon, 30-year-old Jesus came to His cousin John to be baptized. John was a little reluctant at first since he thought Jesus should be the one baptizing him, but Jesus convinced him to do it.

When Jesus came out of the water, something amazing happened. Heaven opened, and the Holy Spirit came down in the form of a dove! A loud voice from heaven boomed, “You are My Son. I love You, and I’m so proud of You!”

Jordan River, near a location where people are often baptized. 

I did not show this picture in class, but it shows a place 

where it's likely this happened.

So that was how Jesus began His ministry. He got baptized by His cousin John, and He showed publicly that He was different from anyone else.

I showed this picture of a shamrock before the lesson, as 

St. Patrick's explanation of the Trinity is the best I've heard.

We serve one God, who has three parts. That's confusing,

even for adults. As St. Patrick explained it, a shamrock

has three leaves, but it is still one shamrock. That's similar

to how the Trinity is three parts: the Father, the Son and the 

Holy Spirit, but only one God. All three parts showed up at 

Jesus' baptism.

* The prophecy about Jesus baptizing them with the Holy Spirit and fire came true 3 years later in the book of Acts.

All pictures are in the public domain, and I got them from Wikimedia Commons.

More Phở with Puns

Inspiration struck again. This is a phởllow-up to Phở with Puns.


"My goodness, what a phở you're making!"
Dorothy figures out the Lion's calling in life

Subaru Phởrester
A car dealership that serves pho while you're waiting

Phởbidden Phởrest
Vietnamese restaurant near Hogwarts

Phởrrest Gump
Run, Phởrrest, run!

Phởrankenstein
There are rumors of monsters coming out of this one.

Galliphở
A restaurant founded by a Time Lord

Water Phởcet
Lots of opportunities to wash your hands

Phở Gondor!
Boromir's favorite Vietnamese restaurant

My Phởciousss!
Gollum insists that this restaurant belongs to him. He would have you believe that they stole it, his phởciousss, and he wantsss it!

Phở He's a Jolly Good Phởllow
They like to sing songs to celebrate their wonderful customers

Bánh mìsérables
They can be a bit starry-eyed, but at the end of the day, their master of the house is amazing. They never have an issue with empty chairs at empty tables (and at the table in the corner, you can see a world reborn). Customers are constantly requesting to stay one day more. Judging from some customers' loyalty, you'd think it's located in a castle on a cloud. Their color scheme is red and black, and they serve Vietnamese sandwiches.

Phởdawan
They teach their customers to be Jedi Knights

Skyphở
In which we learn about where James Bond grew up

Bánh mì. James Bánh mì.
Store #007

Phởnancial Aid
They're expensive, but they offer loans and grants to help you pay for your meal.

Phởd Thai
A restaurant that serves Vietnamese and Thai food

Phởladelphia
The City of Brotherly Soup

Il Phởlo
A restaurant that honors a certain trio of Italian tenors (well, technically two tenors and a baritone)

Quantum Phởsics
Their specialty is Schrödinger's Bánh mì, a sandwich made while standing on a sturdy box containing a cat that is alive and dead


Feel free to comment with more suggestions, though as always, keep it clean. Also, check back as I may be adding more.

Samson

This week's Sunday school lesson, from Judges 13-16...

God used Gideon to end the Israelites’ worship of Baal, and then to defeat the Midianite army in a very strange way. How often do you hear of an army killing each other after hearing smashing pots, trumpets and shouting? After the victory, Gideon went on to judge Israel for forty years, and they had peace. After he died, his son Abimelech took his place. Then came Tola. Then Jair. Jephthah. Ibzan. Elon. Abdon. Throughout this time, the Israelites kept forgetting God and calling out to Him when they got in trouble. Whenever they called out, God sent them a deliverer. Jephthah in particular won an important victory with God’s help, but he learned too late that it isn’t a good idea to make promises to God without thinking about what might happen when you have to keep them. But that’s another story.

After Judge Abdon’s death, the Israelites turned away from God again, and so He let them be oppressed by the Philistines for 40 years!

During that time, there was a man named Manoah, who wanted a child, but his wife couldn’t have children. One day, an angel appeared to Manoah and his wife and gave them some great news. They were going to have a son! But there was a catch. The boy would be a Nazirite. That meant he would be set apart for God. He wouldn’t be allowed to have a haircut, touch a dead body, or drink alcohol.

So, true to the angel’s word, the couple had a baby boy, and they named him Samson. As he grew, his hair got very long, and God gave him amazing strength. This guy was a rough, tough, macho man, and he tore a lion apart with his bare hands! Later, he found the lion’s dead body and discovered a beehive in it. There was honey, and it looked delicious, so he took some…but in the process, he touched the lion’s body even though God had told him not to touch dead bodies.

Samson fell in love with a Philistine woman. He wanted to marry her, even though God had commanded the Israelites long ago not to marry Philistines or anyone else from the lands they had conquered. At the wedding, he came up with a riddle and offered a big reward for anyone who could answer it:

“Out of the eater, something to eat;

Out of the strong, something sweet.”

When the Philistines couldn’t figure out the answer, they convinced his bride to coax the answer out of him. So she betrayed him, and everyone was mad, and not everyone survived. In fact, her father was so mad at his son-in-law that he gave his daughter to someone else. When Samson found out that his father-in-law had taken away his wife, he got really steamed. So he rounded up 300 foxes and tied their tails together in pairs. He tied a burning torch to each pair of tails and let them run wild in the Philistines’ fields. (Think about it. Foxes are wild, and it’s tough to catch one, let alone 300!) The Philistines were very upset about Samson burning their crops, and they got really mad. The Israelites got scared and took Samson to the Philistines so they could take out their anger on him. But as he got close to the Philistines, God’s strength came on Samson. He took a donkey’s jawbone and used it to defeat 1000 strong men! So he became Israel’s judge and led them for 20 years.

Sometime later, Samson went to Gaza, where he ripped off the doors of the city gate and carried them to the top of a nearby hill. They were heavy! The Philistines could tell he was very strong. About this time, he fell in love with a woman named Delilah, and the Philistines asked her to find out Samson’s secret to being so strong. She tried several times, but he kept coming up with lies about it:

“Tie me up with seven bowstrings, and I’ll get weak.” But when they tried that, he easily snapped the bowstrings off.

After he suggested they tie him up with new ropes, he snapped them like twigs. Maybe if they weave his long hair into fabric? Nope. He broke the loom and pulled the hair fabric apart. Day after day, Delilah nagged and prodded Samson, and she started to wear him down. So he said, “OK, fine. I’ve never had a haircut. Try cutting my hair.” Nothing else had worked, and Samson didn’t think this would work either. But he didn’t know that this was the final straw for God. God had given Samson so many chances, and he had disobeyed so many times, that God had had enough. Samson had the surprise of his life in the morning when the Philistines came in and tied him up, and he wasn’t strong enough to fight back! They poked out his eyes and threw him in prison, where they made him grind grain.

But while he was in prison, his hair started to grow back. One day, the Philistines had a big celebration to honor their false god Dagon. They liked to humiliate prisoners at their parties, and Samson seemed like a really fun idea for entertainment. The blind strongman performed for the Philistines, and they loved it. But then, he asked the servant who was leading him around to place him between the two main pillars of the crowded Philistine temple. Samson knew that he had done some terrible things, but he also knew that God had sent him to deliver Israel from the evil Philistines. So he prayed that God would give him superhuman strength once more. He no longer cared for his own life. Samson stood between the two pillars and put a hand on each one. With all his might, he pushed outward, and he brought the house down. Literally. That day, more Philistines died from the building falling on them than he had killed in his lifetime. Samson himself didn’t live to tell the tale.

Phở with Puns

You know how Phở restaurants tend to use puns in their names? I had some brilliant ideas for some more. In case anyone doesn't know, Phở is a kind of Vietnamese noodle and meat soup. It's pronounced "fuh".

Phở and Games
A combination arcade and restaurant

Phở Tography
A photography studio that also serves pho

Phở Langes
A pho restaurant with a finger theme (They could also serve ladyfingers at Halloween)

Phởraoh
A restaurant that serves Vietnamese and Egyptian food

Phởrantic
An espresso stand that also serves pho

Phởnatic
A pho restaurant dedicated to fandoms everywhere

Phởnetic
Thay spel awl thuh wurds on thare menyoo funetticly. Yoo may take longgur reeding it, but at leest yool say thuh wurds rite. (They spell all the words on their menu phonetically. You may take longer reading it, but at least you'll say the words right.)

Raxacorico-phở-lapatorius
Had to get a Dr. Who reference in there...

Luke, I Am Your Phởther
The Sith branch

The Phởlowship of the Ring
A necessary destination on your quest to destroy the Ring of Power

Phởrengi
Get Quark on it! He would probably make a mean pho! 

Phở Phở Away
Princess Fiona's favorite Vietnamese restaurant. She loves taking Shrek there.

Muphởsa
The restaurant Simba founded right near Pride Rock, in memory of his phởther

Ophởlia
Hamlet's favorite Vietnamese restaurant. Laertes hates it when Hamlet goes there. It drives the restaurant mad.

Harry Phởter
Magic happens here.

Expecto Phởtronum
Protective magic happens here. Your soup takes the form of an animal, but a different animal for each customer.

Ziegfeld's Phởlies
Serving up song and dance and soup

HMS Pinaphở
They never ever make their soup too hot. What, never?! No, never! What, never?! Well, hardly ever.

Phởrates of the Caribbean
Yo ho, yo ho, a phởrate's life for me! The Black Phởrl can't be far off. (OK, that was phở-fetched)

Phởlowship
A great ministry idea for any church who wants to serve pho

Phởndamentals
A pho restaurant that goes back to the basics 

Phởlosophy
Socrates would have loved it!

Phởlanthropy
They donate their proceeds to charity.

Hooked on Phởnics
Worked for me!

Phởlanx
The cafeteria in a Roman army, that serves pho

Phởnix
Located in Arizona. They go out of business from time to time, but they always rise from the ashes.

Phởssil
A revolution in archaeology related to ancient Vietnamese soup

Phởsical Phởtness
They feature a well-rounded combination of healthy soup and a workout facility.

Do Bánh mì Phở So La Ti Do
They have a stage for singing, in addition to offering music lessons and singing about pho. They also serve Vietnamese sandwiches.

Phở, a Noodle Pulling Bread
From the Vietnamese parody of The Sound of Music 

The Phởntom of the Opera
...is there inside my mind!

Phởgetaboutit
A pho restaurant in New York (that was my friend Eddie's idea)

Phở Rensics
A murder mystery restaurant that serves pho (also Eddie's idea)

Just Phở You
Shanel's idea

Anyone else have ideas? Feel free to comment, but please keep it clean. :-)

Gideon

Sunday school lesson from this morning, from Judges 6-7...


God had brought the Israelites through a lot. General Sisera did horrible things to the Israelites, and God sent Barak to defeat him. When Barak got scared, Judge Deborah went with him into battle, and with God’s help, they defeated Sisera’s army. But because Barak didn’t trust God enough, Sisera himself was defeated by a woman named Jael.

After that, there was peace for 40 years.

But then, as Israelites did often, they forgot God again. They did evil things, and God allowed the Midianites to do bad things to them. As soon as the Israelites’ crops were ready to harvest, the Midianites and Amalekites swooped in and stole it all. They stole their crops, livestock, and anything they could find to eat. This kept happening for seven years! Finally, the Israelites were so poor and starving that they cried out to God for help. So God sent them a prophet to remind them that He had brought them out of Egypt and provided for them, but they had decided to worship other gods.

Because the Israelites needed to eat, they had to get creative about where they put their food, to hide it from the invaders. One day, God sent an angel to the farm of a guy named Joash. The Midianites would expect to find lots of wheat to eat on the threshing floor where they separated the good wheat from the chaff, the skin of the wheat that wasn’t good to eat. So Joash’s son Gideon was threshing wheat in their winepress. The angel sat under a nearby oak tree and said to him, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”

Gideon was pretty surprised. He said, “But sir, if that’s true, what happened to all the miracles? I’ve heard all kinds of great things He did for our ancestors when He brought them out of Egypt, but He seems to have abandoned us lately.”

“Go, save Israel from Midian,” said the angel. “I am sending you.”

Gideon wasn’t satisfied. “But, but…how do I do that? My family is the weakest in the tribe of Menasseh, and I’m the weakest in my family! Why call a wimp?”

But the angel said, “Go. I will be with you, and you will defeat the Midianites.”

“OK,” said Gideon, “I need a sign. I’ll go get an offering. Be right back.” He went in and cooked a goat and made some bread, and then brought it out to the angel. He put it on a rock, and the angel touched it. Fire came out of the rock and burned it up! Then the angel disappeared. So Gideon knew it really was an angel that God had sent. He was scared.

Then God told him to do something really scary. God told him to tear down the idols of the false god Baal, then sacrifice his father’s bull on a proper altar, using the idols as wood to burn it.

Gideon obeyed, but he was too scared to do it during the day, so he took ten of his servants, and they did it at night when everyone was asleep. When the neighbors got up the next day, they discovered their idols had been destroyed, and they were furious. They marched over to Joash’s house and demanded to have Gideon so they could kill him! Joash replied, “If Baal is such a powerful god, don’t you think he can deal out his own wrath? He shouldn’t need help killing someone who destroyed his altars.” So they called Gideon Jerub-Baal, which means “Let Baal contend.”

The Midianites were coming! Gideon was learning, and with God’s help, he started building an army to fight them. But he was still scared. He asked God for a sign again. “If You really want me to do this, show me. I’m putting a wool fleece on the threshing floor, and if the fleece is wet with dew and the ground is dry in the morning, I’ll know.” So God did it! Then he said, “OK, don’t be angry, but I need to double check. This time, I’d like you to make the fleece dry and the ground wet with dew.” God did that. So Gideon had no doubt this was what God wanted him to do.

He set out leading his army, but God had another surprise for him. There were too many people for God to show them that this was His plan! So God had Gideon tell everyone who was too scared to go home. 22,000 soldiers left, leaving only 10,000. But that was still too many! So God gave them a really strange test. 10,000 soldiers went down to the river to get a drink. 300 men lapped the water with their hands to their mouths, while everyone else knelt down to drink. The people who knelt down ended up having to go home. So that meant the army only had 300 people left!

God told Gideon to sneak into the Midianite camp during the night. When he did, he overheard two Midianites talking. One of them had just had a dream that a barley loaf had fallen into the Midianite camp and hit the tent so hard that it collapsed! The second person said, “That means that God has given our camp into the hands of Gideon son of Joash!”

Worshiping God, Gideon snuck back up to his camp and laid out his plan. It was the middle of the night at this point. He split the small army into three groups and gave each of them trumpets and empty jars. The three groups surrounded the camp, and at a cue from Gideon, they blew 300 trumpets and smashed 300 clay jars! 300 voices shouted, “A SWORD FOR THE LORD AND FOR GIDEON!” The Midianite army awoke with a start and panicked. They were so scared that they grabbed their swords and started to fight…but in their fear and confusion, they forgot that they were killing each other! The survivors fled, and the Israelites chased them. Gideon called for more men in the area, and the men of the tribe of Ephraim answered. The Israelites defeated Midian that day, but there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that it was God who had won the battle.

---

The following pictures are of a threshing floor and the process of threshing, or separating the grain from the stalks and chaff. I printed them to show the class. Click on them to see them larger.

Source: Fletcher, Elizabeth. "Bible Archaeology: The First Farmers: Food in the Ancient World." Bible Archaeology. Web. 17 Feb 2013. http://www.bible-archaeology.info/agriculture.htm

A stone threshing floor surrounded by a low stone wall to contain the grain

Threshing: woman with grain on a threshing floor, Israel, 19th century photograph

Deborah and Barak

Sunday school lesson from February 10, from Judges 4-5...

Israel had come a long way. God brought them out of Egypt, and He used Moses and Joshua to lead them to the Promised Land and then go through the long and difficult process of conquering it. They saw the Red Sea and the Jordan River part. God gave them manna and quail in the wilderness, and He made water come out of rock. He made the thick walls of Jericho fall with trumpet blasts! He even made the sun stand still so they could defeat six cities in one day. After that, God led them to defeat more enemies until they conquered the land. But after Joshua died, the Israelites started to forget everything they had seen. They worshiped statues instead of God, and He wasn’t very happy about that. In fact, He became so angry that He sent more enemies against them, and the Israelites became slaves to a new enemy. But then, they remembered God and prayed. So He heard them and raised up a judge named Othniel. He was Caleb’s little brother. Othniel led the Israelites to victory, and they defeated their enemy. After Othniel died, Israel forgot God again, so He sent them another enemy. Then they prayed, and God sent Ehud to be their judge and lead them to victory. After Ehud came Shamgar. But then, Israel forgot God AGAIN! You’d think they’d learn their lesson!

This time, God punished them again by sending a Canaanite King named Jabin to attack them. His army general was named Sisera, a nasty character. Sisera did terrible things with his chariots and army, and for twenty years, Israel was miserable under his cruelty. By this point, there was a new judge named Deborah. She was also a prophetess, and she got a message from God. She obeyed what He told her to do. She sent for a man named Barak of the tribe of Naphtali, and when he arrived she told him, “God commands you to go, lead the men of the tribes of Naphtali and Zebulun to Mount Tabor. God will lure Sisera and his army to the Kishon River, and you will defeat them.”

But Barak was scared out of his mind. He responded, “I’ll go, but only if you come with me.”

Deborah said, “OK, I’ll go, but since you don’t trust God enough, a woman will defeat Sisera!”

So Deborah and Barak set out, leading the armies of the Israelite tribes of Naphtali and Zebulun, and they went to Mount Tabor. When Sisera got word that they had gone there, he led his army to the Kishon River, just as God had said would happen.

Deborah told Barak, “Go! This is the day God promised! He has given Sisera into your hands!” So Barak led his army of ten thousand soldiers down the mountain to meet their enemy. God sent an earthquake and a powerful rainstorm. Barak’s army defeated Sisera’s, and many of the enemy soldiers were swept away by the river! Israel chased the survivors of Sisera’s army, and not one of them survived.

But Sisera got away! He escaped to the tent of Heber, the man who had warned him that the Israelites were coming. Heber’s wife Jael welcomed him in. Sisera was all tired out from fighting and running, and he asked her to hide him and to give him a drink. She gave him some milk and let him get some sleep, covering him. Once he had fallen asleep, Jael took a tent peg, quietly snuck up to him, and…

Pretty soon, Barak and his army arrived in pursuit of General Sisera. Jael ran out of her tent and told Barak, “Come see! I have something to show you!” He stepped into her tent and found the evil Sisera, dead, with a tent peg in his head.

So, just as God promised, He helped Barak and Deborah to defeat Sisera’s army, but Sisera himself was defeated by a woman.

That day, Deborah and Barak sang a song of praise to God for saving them from their evil oppressor and leading them to victory.

The Sun Stands Still

This morning's Sunday school lesson, from Joshua 9-10...


Word was getting around. Egypt had been hit with ten nasty and deadly plagues. The Red Sea had parted for the people of Israel, and fire and cloud had led them forward. As they advanced in their slow 40-year journey across the wilderness, they had defeated everyone who attacked them. Heshbon, Bashan and Ashtaroth had fallen. Now Israel had crossed the Jordan River, which had also parted for them! Soon after, Jericho fell, literally. Israel suffered a defeat at Ai because Achan had stolen from Jericho, but once they got that straightened out, Ai was destroyed. Everyone in the surrounding cities was terrified, and they got together to try to put an end to General Joshua and his scary army of Israelites. Everyone but Gibeon. They were scared too, but they were clever and decided to try a more crafty way of not being killed.

The men of Gibeon came up with a plan. They found some dry and moldy bread, put on worn-out clothes, and they made sure everything they brought with them looked old, cracked and worn. They found Joshua and the Israelites nearby and told him their sad story. “We’re from a far-off country, and we’ve heard reports of everything your God has done, and how you’ve been victorious against everyone you’ve fought. We’ve come a long way to make peace with you. We don’t want to be any trouble to you, and we were wondering if you could sign a treaty with us. Look at this moldy bread. It was fresh and steaming when we left home! Look what the long journey has done to our clothes and sandals!”

The Israelites looked at the Gibeonites’ clothes, tasted their bread, and saw that it looked like they were telling the truth. They just forgot one thing…to ask God about it. So Joshua and the Israelites believed the lie and made a treaty with Gibeon. Three days later, the truth came out. These guys were neighbors! Israel wanted to punish those crafty Gibeonites for fooling them, but they had made a promise to protect them. So instead, the leaders of Israel made them cut wood and carry water for them.

King Adoni-Zedek of Jerusalem soon heard that Joshua had destroyed Ai and signed a treaty with Gibeon, an important city that was even bigger than Ai. Gibeon had a lot of good fighters. The combined forces of Israel and Gibeon were even scarier than just Israel. So Adoni-Zedek called four other kings from nearby cities, and together, they marched to attack Gibeon.

The Gibeonites sent word to Joshua: “Help! We’re your servants, and now five kings and their armies are attacking us! Come quick and save us!”

This time, Joshua learned from his earlier mistake. Last time, he hadn’t asked God about the treaty, and they had been tricked because of it. Now, Joshua prayed. God answered, “Don’t worry, I’ve got it. Go and defeat these five armies. Not one of them will be able to stand.”

So Joshua and the Israelites marched all night and took the attacking armies by surprise. God threw their enemies into confusion, and Israel defeated them and chased them away, defeating more and more as they chased them. As the enemies continued to flee, God sent a big hailstorm, and the huge chunks of ice killed more enemies than the Israelites did with their swords.

The day was getting on, and Joshua was worried that it would get dark and some of their enemies might get away. So once again, he prayed:

“O sun, stand still over Gibeon,
O moon, over the Valley of Aijalon!”

The sun was directly overhead, and there it stayed for almost a day. The sun, moon and earth stopped moving, and God gave Joshua and the Israelites extra time to defeat five united armies in one very long day. God had never done that before, and He hasn’t done it since then.

The five kings were so scared that they hid in a cave near the city of Makkedah. When Joshua found out about that, he told the Israelites to block the cave with rocks so the kings couldn’t get out, and then they defeated almost every single enemy soldier. Then he let the kings out, and they didn’t live to tell the tale. The Israelites then defeated Makkedah. So it was that in one very long day, God helped the Israelites to defeat six cities!

O Holy Night

The French and German forces were facing off during the Franco-Prussian War. The fighting was fierce, when a lone French soldier jumped out of his trench, unarmed. Both sides stared, astonished, as the soldier started to sing:

     "Minuit, chrétiens, c'est l'heure solonelle 
     Où l'Homme Dieu descendit jusqu'à nous
     Pour effacer la tache originelle
     Et de Son Père arrêter le courroux.
     Le monde entier tressaille d'espérance
     En cette nuit qui lui donne un Sauveur
     Peuple à genoux, attends ta délivrance.
     Noël, Noël, voici le Rédempteur
     Noël, Noël, voici le Rédempteur."

     ("Midnight, Christians, is the solemn hour
     When the God descends on us as a man
     To erase the original stain (sin)
     And to stop His Father's wrath.
     The whole earth trembles (or thrills) with hope
     In this night which gives them a Savior
     People on your knees, wait for your deliverance.
     Christmas, Christmas, here is your Redeemer
     Christmas, Christmas, here is your Redeemer")

The Frenchman continued on to sing all three verses of Cantique de Noël (French for "Christmas Song", not to be confused with The Christmas Song)

When he was finished, a German infantryman came out of hiding and began to sing Martin Luther's words:

     „Vom Himmel hoch, da komm’ ich her.

     Ich bring’ euch gute neue Mär,

     Der guten Mär bring’ ich so viel,

     Davon ich sing’n und sagen will.“ 

     (More or less, "From heaven above, I come forth.

     I bring you good news,

     Of that good news I bring,

     I want to tell it in song.")

Thus began a 24-hour period of peace between the sides, starting that Christmas Eve in 1871.

Back up 24 years to 1847. A parish priest in a small French town needed a poem for his Christmas mass, and he turned to a local poet named Placide Cappeau de Roquemaure. Not a churchgoing man himself, Mr. Cappeau felt honored nevertheless, and used the Gospel of Luke as his inspiration to write a poem while on a trip by coach to Paris. He tried to imagine what it would be like to be in Bethlehem over 1800 years earlier, witnessing the birth of Jesus.

When he finished his poem, Cappeau realized that a poem was not enough. This needed to be set to music. So he turned to his friend Adolphe Charles Adams, a man of Jewish descent. This was particularly awkward for Adams, since, as a Jew, he didn't even celebrate Christmas, nor did he believe that Jesus was the Son of God. However, he humored his friend and set the poem to music. I have to say he did an excellent job of it.

The song was initially popular in France. However, as it declined in popularity, an American writer by the name of John Sullivan Dwight discovered the song and translated it into English. "Minuit, chrétiens" (Midnight, Christians) became "O Holy Night." As Dwight was a strong abolitionist, the third verse was particularly meaningful to him. The song became especially popular in the North during the Civil War, as many Americans sang:

     Truly He taught us to love one another.

     His law is love, and His gospel is peace.

     Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother,

     And in His name, all oppression shall cease.

     Sweet hymns of praise in joyful chorus raise we

     With all our hearts, we praise His holy name!

     Christ is the Lord! Let ever, ever praise we!

     His power and glory evermore proclaim!

     His power and glory evermore proclaim!

(Emphasis mine, to show which line was particularly meaningful to Dwight.)

O Holy Night also has the distinction of being the first song in history to be broadcast over the airwaves, on Christmas Eve 1906. 

For more details, you can read Ace Collins' The Amazing Story of 'O Holy Night', which is where I learned the above information.

***

In English (and in French, though the singable English translation is not literal), the first verse reflects on that night when Christ came to earth as a baby. The world had been waiting for millenia, mired in sin, in need of a Savior. That night finally came, and with a thrill, hope was born. The world rejoiced in its Savior, as a new era began. Fall on your knees and listen to the angels sing! What a holy night!

The second verse (not in the video above) seems to be the story from the perspective of  Cappeau, the observer and poet. They are standing beside the manger "with glowing hearts" to see their baby Savior. Soon, the wise man come "from Orient land" and join them in their adoration. "The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger, in all our trials born to be our friend." He understands our needs and is familiar with our weakness. Bow before Him.

The third verse is quoted above. Christ has come out of love to bring us peace. He will break our chains, since he has taken on the yoke of a slave, and as the Son of God, He is our brother. Another interpretation of that line would be that slaves are just as human as anyone else, and God will break the chains that bind people who He created in His image. In any case, He will put an end to oppression. What can we do but sing hymns and songs of praise? Christ, our Savior, has come. Proclaim his power and glory forever!

I think it puts an interesting twist on it that had never occurred to me before, that Cappeau wrote the poem as he imagined what it might have been like to observe the birth of Jesus so long ago. The first verse remembers what we have come through, the pain and bondage that sin has caused through the years as we have yearned for the prophesied Messiah to come. Now, in the second verse, here we are watching prophecy being fulfilled. All that painful time has culminated into this moment, this holy night when he has finally arrived. The third verse looks forward to when He will victoriously break the chains of sin and death, freeing us from bondage. Jesus fulfilled some of that when He died on the cross and rose again, and He will fulfill the rest when He returns.

Jesus is our Savior! Praise Him! Whatever bondage we are in, He can save us. He has conquered sin and death. As Dr. SM Lockridge so eloquently put it, "That's my King!"


First and third verses:

First and second verses:

The Christmas Song

The summer of 1944 was particularly eventful. On June 6, Allied troops stormed the beaches of Normandy on what would become known as D-Day. It was a turning point in World War II.

Meanwhile, back in the US, it was a particularly hot summer. Musicians Mel Tormé and Bob Wells needed to cool down, and thinking about winter seemed just the thing. Wells wrote a few notes in his notebook, and Tormé took those words and set them to music. So if you are ever sweltering in the blistering heat of summer, just remember these words:

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire!
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
With folks dressed up like Eskimos 

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight. 

They know that Santa's on his way.
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly 

And so I'm offering this simple phrase
For kids from one to ninety-two:
Although it's been said many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas to you!

Nat King Cole was the first to record it:



I'm not sure why they couldn't find a more imaginative title for the song, such as, oh, I don't know, "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire"? But no. It's called "The Christmas Song". But then, Keith Green wrote The Easter Song (more recently)...so I guess that kind of thing isn't unheard of.
The song is a great way of thinking wintery thoughts on a warm day. In fact, I might try singing it next summer if it gets especially hot. It covers a lot of things that people do in the winter. Roasting chestnuts brings to mind the crackle of the fire that helps to warm someone up on a freezing night, as Jack Frost nips at your nose (i.e., your nose is freezing). So you come a little closer to the fire to warm up, and sing yuletide carols. Parkas, such as Eskimos (or more properly, Inuits) are known to wear, also help to keep people warm in the snow. At Thanksgiving, people typically eat turkey, and near Christmas, people have been known to kiss under the mistletoe. Children experience the wonder of the season, waiting with excited glee for Santa to come down their chimney and deliver their presents Christmas Eve. So all that's left is to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! If that doesn't psychologically cool a person down in a hot summer, I don't know what will. Maybe singing Sleigh Ride, which was born out of a heatwave two years later, would help.
I love the line about "kids from one to ninety-two." I think far too many people "grow up" and contract adultitis. If you have that, the best cure I've found is to consult the doctors Kim & Jason. But it's important to keep a child-like spirit and attitude. Sure, we need to remember the difference between child-like and childish, but we need to be careful not to "grow up" so much that we lose our sense of wonder, adventure, curiosity and silliness. When my grandpa turned 93, I pointed out that he had finally grown up, since the song says "kids from one to ninety-two." At that point, I decided it should be "kids from one to one oh two" because my grandpa still has a child-like spirit, and I think that is one thing that has kept him alive for 97 years and counting. He may need a walker now (or as he calls it, his horse), but his mind is still active, and he is one of the youngest 97-year-olds I've ever met. In fact, I will be helping him to publish his autobiography, My First 76 Years, next year. He wrote it a few years ago, but has recently been hard at work revising and improving it. Remember how I mentioned that the Allied troops stormed the beaches on D-Day the same summer Wells and Tormé wrote The Christmas Song? He wasn't among those troops, but he fought in the war, and he was in France on V-E Day (Victory in Europe Day), May 8, 1945. He is my hero.
If you want to know more about the song, you can check here and here. I especially enjoyed this account of the author seeing Mel Tormé and indirectly brightening Tormé's day.
I leave you with the aptly-named Il Volo (Italian for "The Flight"), some of my all-time favorite singers, singing one of my all-time favorite songs.

Jingle Bells

Dashing down the beach
'Cause the sand's hot underfoot
Must get to the sea
Without stepping on jellyfish.

I just made that up...but it's a more accurate picture of my childhood than the words to "Jingle Bells." :-) Living in the tropics, the sun would beat down on the beach, heating up the sand, which was not the most comfortable feeling ever for bare feet. When we visited Thailand in 1990, we also had the added benefit of avoiding the blobs of goo on the beach that were dead jellyfish, washed up on the sand. They can still sting even after they're dead. The Philippines has amazing shells on their beaches, and I loved collecting them. I also bought some polished ones in the souvenir shops.

Anyway, I'm guessing that isn't a typical way of starting a blog about a song that is all about an adventure in the snow. Some people have fond memories of playing in the snow when they were little. So do I, but most of my childhood was spent in countries that don't get snow. (The closest we got, I'm told, was one year when it got so cold in Hong Kong that there was frost on one of the mountain peaks. People came from all around to see the "snow.")

On the rare occasions when we were in the US, I loved the snow and everything about it. Well, almost everything. Since my legs were short at the time, snowshoeing was a bit of a chore, but aside from that... We built snowmen, made snow angels, and more. I don't remember ever riding in a sleigh, though. I have always loved snow, and still do to this day (although I have a healthy respect for driving in it). I think it was especially fun because it was so rare for me, and was thus a special treat. Not only because we lived in the Philippines, but because when we did come back to the US, we were in western Washington. This area doesn't get a whole lot of snow, except in the mountains, so when it does snow in the lowlands, the kids rejoice and the news media freaks out.

James Lord Pierpont (no relation to J. Pierrepont Finch), who wrote Jingle Bells in 1857, told the story of a (partially) delightful romp through the snow in a one horse open sleigh. He originally entitled his song "One Horse Open Sleigh," and he may have written it for Thanksgiving. (There are several conflicting reports regarding its origin, some of which are explained here.)

The first verse is by far the most well known:

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way (Ha ha ha!)
Bells on bobtail ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to ride and sing
A sleighing song tonight!

When I was little, I used to think that one line said, "Making spirits ride." That seems somewhat ghostly. Anyway, this sounds like a jolly old time. Apparently, a bobtail is a tail that is cut short, according to Dictionary.com. It must mean that the horse pulling the sleigh had a cut tail. I wonder what the ASPCA and PETA think of this song?

The second verse reminisces about the singer taking a sleighride with Miss Fanny Bright. The horse was lean and unfortunate, and they crashed into a snowbank and "got upsot" (which, according to Wikipedia, used to be a past participle of "upset," and means that the sleigh flipped). The author of this page did some research on who Miss Fanny Bright was. They found some Fanny (and Frances) Brights in old censuses, but didn't come up with a definitive answer. It's also possible that Pierpont made up the name.

The third verse gets worse. The singer now recalls going out in the snow and falling on his back. He was lying there helpless, when someone rode by in a one horse open sleigh, saw him, laughed, and continued past without helping. How rude!

The fourth and last verse gives advice on racing in a one horse open sleigh. You are supposed to do it while you're young, and take a girl along with you. "Get a bobtailed bay, two forty as his speed." The short tail must help the horse to go faster. A bay is a kind of horse. According to Wikipedia, "two forty" means that the horse needs to cover a mile in two minutes and 40 seconds (22.5 mph or 36.2 kph). If you do this, "crack! you'll take the lead." However, I'm not sure how trustworthy a guy is who just told us that he capsized a sleigh by crashing into a snowbank, and then went on to explain how he fell on his back and couldn't get up. Is he really in a place to give advice?

Apparently, the word "jingle" in the chorus is meant to be a command. Jingle bells aren't the kind of bells, but rather a command to the bells to jingle. In that case, maybe it should be called "Jingle, Bells!"

My favorite story related to Jingle Bells comes from here. Apparently, it was the first song to be played in space. In 1965, shortly before Christmas, and just before re-entering earth's atmosphere, Gemini 6 astronaut Thomas Stafford radioed into the Houston Mission Control with the news that "We have an object, looks like a satellite going from north to south, probably in polar orbit... Looks like he might be going to re-enter soon... You just might let me pick up that thing... I see a command module and eight smaller modules in front. The pilot of the command module is wearing a red suit."

I'll pause to let that sink in.

The message was followed by the sound of "Jingle Bells" played on the harmonica and sleigh bells, presumably played by the...um...pilot who was wearing a red suit (although it may or may not have actually been played by fellow mischievous astronaut Walter Schirra).

Mr. Elliot in Mission Control responded with, "You're too much."

Gotta love astronauts with a sense of humor.



My favorite arrangement (with alternate lyrics and a few surprises):

Feliz Navidad

I was in elementary. We were learning new Christmas songs, and one of them had a Spanish name. I didn't know much Spanish at the time, but I did know that the Tagalog language got a lot from Spanish, and that the Philippine culture had a lot of Spanish influence. So it wasn't a huge surprise that this new Christmas carol had a Spanish title, and it made perfect sense for it to be called Feliz Navidad, which I learned meant Merry Christmas. I don't remember if we went into what all the words meant, but I was surprised to discover that the chorus was in English! I had no trouble understanding the chorus, but I was confused why they didn't bother translating the whole song into Spanish (or English). For a while I tried singing the Spanish words (anyway, the ones I understood) in English, but that just sounded awkward... "Mer-RY Chri-ist-mas!" If I remember right, when I asked the teacher why it was in two languages in the same song, the answer had something to do with the words not fitting in the tune.

I have since learned the words and their meaning:

¡Feliz Navidad! (Merry Christmas!)
¡Feliz Navidad! (Merry Christmas!)
¡Feliz Navidad! (Merry Christmas!)
¡Prospero año y felicidad! (Prosperous year and happiness!)

I wanna wish you a merry Christmas!
(¡Quiero desearte un feliz Navidad!)
I wanna wish you a merry Christmas!
(¡Quiero desearte un feliz Navidad!)
I wanna wish you a merry Christmas!
(¡Quiero desearte un feliz Navidad)
From the bottom of my heart!
(Desde lo más profundo de mi corazón!)

Nope, the translation doesn't fit in the tune. But that was how I learned how to say "Merry Christmas" in Spanish.

The song was written in 1970 by Puerto Rican singer José Feliciano. According to his website, "Jose Feliciano is recognized as the first Latin Artist to cross over into the English music market, opening the doors for other artists who now play an important role in the American music industry." He was born in Lares, Puerto Rico in 1945, blind. He accompanied his uncle on a tin cracker can at age 3. At age 5, he and his family immigrated to New York. At the age of 6, he taught himself to play the concertina, using some records. He performed at the Puerto Rican Theater in the Bronx at the age of 9. He then taught himself the guitar, again using records! The Rock'n'Roll movement in the '50s inspired him to get into singing. By the age of 23, he had been nominated for 5 Grammy Awards and won two. Then he decided to expand his skill set and learn acting. In the '80s (around the time I learned Feliz Navidad), he wrote "The Sound of Vienna," which has since become known as the Official Anthem of the City of Vienna, Austria. (Click the title of the song to see a YouTube video of it.) Even now, he continues to explore new genres of music and performance. I have nothing but respect for someone who can do all this in normal circumstances, but multiply that respect many times when said person is blind! Did I mention he enjoys playing baseball? You can read his biography here. It's well worth the read.

Considering his career involving a lot of crossover work, I think it's appropriate for his song Feliz Navidad to be bilingual. The song itself crosses over the barriers of language, and the catchy tune even makes the words easy to remember.

Silver Bells

It was the '80s. Two young brothers were getting ready for a Christmas program, and they (OK, we) were planning to sing a duet. The song was "Silver Bells," so how should we dress up? As silver bells, of course! So we went to work. We found big pieces of cardboard and cut out bell shapes that would fit in front of us from the neck nearly to the feet. There was no silver paper handy, so naturally, we did the next best thing: pulled out our box of crayons and used the silver one. Several hours later, we had two silver bells, and a tiny stump of a silver crayon left. I don't remember the performance, but I certainly remember making the costume!

Fast forward a couple years, December 1989 was a very eventful month. Certain Philippine rebels were dissatisfied with the democratically-elected President Aquino and attempted a coup d'état the first week of December. The first day, we were on our roof watching fighter planes fly over, trying to determine if they were Philippine military, American military, or Philippine rebels. After that first day, it was too dangerous to leave our house. Ever people to find humor in a bad situation, someone came up with a parody that went something like this: "Coup d'état! Coup d'état! It's coup d'état time in Manila. Rat-tat-tat! Hear them ring! [I forget the next line] Hear the snipers, rebel snipers..."

The coup attempt lasted about a week, and the rebels lost that battle.

According to Songfacts, the song was written for Bob Hope's 1951 movie The Lemon Drop Kid by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans, also known for the classic "Que Sera Sera (Whatever Will Be Will Be)." It was called "Tinkle Bells" (evoking the tinkly sound of the bells Santa Clauses and Salvation Army folks ring at Christmas time) until Mr. Livingston played it for his wife. She quickly pointed out that "tinkle" could be, well, misunderstood. Thus, they scrapped the song, but then ended up reviving it, substituting the word "silver." I fully endorse the change.

I like how the song captures the variety of things going on during the Christmas season. People tend to get very busy during the Christmas season. Snow crunches. (I'm sure that sounded a bit incongruous when we sang it in the Philippines wearing bells with silver crayon, as temperatures dip down to the frigid 70s in the winter there.) Kids and many adults look forward eagerly to Christmas Day. At times the spirit is almost palpable. Christmas shopping is an important part of the season. (In fact, that starts in September in the Philippines, along with Christmas music in all the stores.) Some people feel more stressed in the Christmas season when their schedule fills up, but I think it's important to take time to remember and marvel at the wonder of the season. For Christians, we celebrate the birth of our Savior. Many look forward to Santa's arrival and presents. I love how the composers even pointed out that stoplights are red and green. Red lights and traffic can be stressful for people, but it may help to use them as reminders of the wonder of the season. If someone can find humor in a violent attempt at taking over the government, surely we can take traffic, stress, full schedules and more with a grain of salt, and be joyful anyway.

I do recommend singing the revised lyrics though, and not the original ones.

I leave you with Elvis singing a great Christmas carol.

Jacob

I did the Sunday school lesson this morning and thought I'd share. Since the main lesson was only a few verses, and not a lot happened, I thought I'd start with a review of the story up to now. The whole thing covers Genesis 25-35.


The Story so far:

The day had finally arrived! Isaac and Rebekah had been waiting for this day for many years, and at last they were about to have twins! The first one came out, and they noticed he had red hair all over. So what to name him? Hairy (or Esau in Hebrew)! The second boy wasn’t far behind. In fact, he was holding onto his brother’s heel. So naturally, why not name him “He Grasps the Heel”? Too complicated? OK, let’s translate “he grasps the heel” into Hebrew: Jacob! As Hairy and Heel-Grasper got older, they developed a rivalry. Isaac liked his older son Esau better, but Rebekah preferred the younger son, Jacob. One day, Esau was out working, while Jacob stayed home and made some stew. When Esau got home, he was all tired out and starving, and all he could think of that he needed to eat something now! As he got near the house, he smelled something cooking, and he got even hungrier. Jacob was sneaky, though. He could see that his big brother was desperate to eat, and he would give anything…like, say, his birthright!

A while later, Isaac realized he wasn’t getting any younger, and he needed to pass on the blessing to his firstborn son, so he told Esau to go hunt for food to bring to him so he could bless him. But while he was gone, Rebekah made some food and helped Jacob to pretend to be Esau and get his father’s blessing. When Esau came back and found out that Jacob had tricked him again, he was steaming mad! So mad that he wanted to kill his brother.

So Jacob ran for his life. On the way, he stopped for the night. He found a nice comfy rock to use for a pillow and laid down on the ground. That night, he dreamed that he saw a stairway going from the ground up into heaven, with angels going up and down it. At the top of the stairway, he saw God. In the dream, God promised him that He would take care of him, that Jacob would be the father of a great nation, and that He would bring him back home one day. In the morning, Jacob got up and named the place Bethel, or House of God. He put the stone he had used as a pillow and set it there as a reminder of this promise. He promised God that he would serve Him.

When Jacob got to his uncle’s house, he fell in love with his cousin Rachel, and he worked for his Uncle Laban seven years so that he could marry her. But sneakiness ran in the family. After the wedding, Jacob discovered that he had actually married Rachel’s sister Leah. So he had to work another seven years to marry Rachel. So it was that Jacob had eleven sons and a daughter during the time he lived there. (Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Dan, Naphtali, Gad, Asher, Issachar, Zebulun, Dinah, Joseph. Benjamin wasn’t born yet.)

Finally the time came to leave, and Jacob took his wives and children and livestock and left. But on the way home, he found out that his brother Esau was coming to meet him. The last time he’d seen Esau, he had been threatening to kill him! While he was on the way to meet his brother, God met him and wrestled with him. When that happened, God gave him a new name: “He Wrestles with God” (or Israel)! When Esau saw his brother Israel, he ran to him, and they hugged. They were friends again. Then Jacob and his family settled in the city of Shechem.

Now we pick up the story where we left off…

One day, God commanded Jacob to go back to Bethel and build an altar. So Jacob obeyed. But before he left, he told everyone in his family that they were about to go worship God. He told them about how God had always helped him when he needed help, and had taken care of him. Now they needed to get rid of their idols and earrings. At the time, the earrings some of them were wearing were used as charms to worship false gods. Jacob took the idols and earrings and buried them under a big oak tree.

The whole big family then set out for Bethel. When they got there, Jacob obeyed God and built an altar. God met him and reminded him about his new name. He was no longer Jacob, but Israel. God promised him again that he would be the father of a great nation. Not only would he have thousands of descendents, but some of them would even be kings! He also promised him to give him this land as He had done for Jacob’s father Isaac and grandfather Abraham.

To mark the occasion, Jacob set up a stone pillar to remember the promise. Once again, he called the place Bethel, or House of God.