Mister Rogers' New Neighborhood

Fred Rogers was one of those rare people who was able to maintain a child-like spirit in a world full of grown-ups who had lost all sense of the wonder of childhood. He could always find the positive things in life, no matter what was going on. In scary situations, he advised us to "look for the helpers" (quoting his mother). He was widely admired across the globe. Our world needs more people like him, who show kindness to everyone, no matter their background, skin color, beliefs or anything else, and encourage others to do the same.

I wrote this poem February 27, 2003 after he passed away from stomach cancer. It is based partly on the theme song for Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, and mentions some of his puppets.

Mister Rogers with King Friday
Fotos International/Getty

He’s in a new neighborhood
And it’s a beautiful day up there
The streets are made of gold
And the lake is clear as crystal
He’s meeting new friends
And reuniting with old friends
And all the neighbors are bowing
At the feet of the One who made them neighbors
The One who taught them
How to be a neighbor

It’s a beautiful day in the new neighborhood
It will always be day in the new neighborhood
It will never end
No more need to pretend

He introduced us to King Friday
Now he bows before the King of Kings
He talked about Prince Tuesday
Now he kneels before the Prince of Peace
We learned about a tiger, a cat and an owl
He has now met the Lion of Judah and the Lamb of God

He’s always wanted to have a Neighbor just like that.

Generosity and Advocacy

In late 2001, the world was still reeling from 9/11. I had a temporary position in September, which ended sometime after that. As finding a job has never been a particularly simple task, I was wondering if I needed to take more classes to gain more skills. I had majored in French at Seattle Pacific University, but without a skill to go with it, there's only so much you can do with a language degree. (Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful I took French, and it has come in useful! I have endeavored to keep it up in more recent years.) One day as I was leaving our local WorkSource, the local state-run centers where we can go to get assistance with the job search, someone was at the door handing out flyers for Business Computer Training Institute (BCTI). This intrigued me, as I have enjoyed computers, going back to the 80s, and most corporate fields involve computer knowledge to some degree. I looked into it and enrolled. The first half of the program involved studying computer programs, such as Word, Excel, Access and others, as well as skills in interacting with customers and colleagues, learning to train others, research, business letters, and more. I was recognized as Student of the Month at one point. The second half of the program involved the more technical aspects of computers, such as learning about the inner workings of the computer, as well as HTML and basic graphic design (just enough graphic design to get a taste of it and realize I loved it, but not enough to get a job in it...I would return to school in 2011 to get more in-depth design training). 

During my time at BCTI, I formed new friendships. That was also when I had a terrifying experience driving into the sun. But that's another story. Back to the friendships. The particularly memorable ones for me were Ofa, Belinda, Cliff, Michelle and Josh. I'm still in contact with most of them to some extent (or back in contact). I completed my studies there in 2003. In 2005, the school abruptly shut down, taking everyone by surprise. Students and employees arrived for work and class, and the doors were locked. It was a blow to everyone, current students and alumni alike. Many of us have mixed feelings about having gone there due to the nature of its abrupt closing, but personally, I am thankful for the skills I learned and the friends I met who have challenged me to be a better person.

Picture used with permission

One such friend was Belinda. She and Ofa hung out together. When we finished the first half of the program, Ofa made a Hawaiian shell necklace for me. At least for a while, I lost track of most of them (though not all). With the advent of Facebook and other social media a few years later, I got back in contact with some of them. I maintained contact with Michelle and Josh. In more recent years, I got back in contact with Belinda over Facebook. By this time, she had several children. I also got back in contact with Cliff after she reconnected us. She has always been one of the kindest people I have known, but she has had a difficult life. She has taught me a lot about kindness and patience in the face of racism and other forms of bigotry. I admire her advocacy and huge heart for racial minorities, LGBT and other marginalized communities. With her Asian and Latina heritage, she has experienced racism against both groups. She has actively worked with several organizations to provide food and other important stuff for many people who need it. She is one of my heroes.

A couple years ago, I posted a prayer request on Facebook because I was trying to get to sleep, and sleep wasn't coming. I was getting a bit desperate because I needed to be alert the following day. By posting, I was only asking for prayer and good thoughts. But Belinda messaged me and asked if I would like some tea to help me sleep. I was touched by the gesture. She ordered some from Amazon Fresh for me. In order to get up to their minimum, she also ordered other groceries that would be useful. They showed up on our doorstep the following day. I was overwhelmed. I have been able to return the favor a couple times since then.

Due to the COVID pandemic, Belinda's upcoming wedding would be in her backyard with only a few in attendance, and broadcast live on Facebook. I was invited to attend virtually, which I felt honored to do. I watched online and toasted the happiness of Belinda and her new husband:

Belinda also introduced me to a new friend named Michelle (different Michelle from the one mentioned above), who has a similar huge heart for assisting and advocating for others. She is also an amazing cook, and I have bought sweet potato pie from her two years running, for Thanksgiving. She also makes fantastic pumpkin bread. If you need either of those and live in the area, I highly recommend talking to her. 😀

It's people like Belinda who make the world a better place. She is a constant encouragement to everyone around her. She has had a very difficult life, but she has overcome many obstacles to enrich the lives of everyone she knows.

Thoughtfulness and Artistry

Imagine if you will, a youth group room. One of the youth leaders asks a teenager, "What's up?"

Without missing a beat, the teen responds, "The ceiling!"

People who know me well may assume I was the teen in question. They would be wrong. I was present, however. With a beaming smile, I gave my good friend Mio a high five and said, "I knew you were awesome!' I was another of the youth leaders, and I like to think I trained him well. (I can't say that for sure, however. It may have been a "Great minds think alike" moment.)

Mio

Steven Sauke, 2016

Adobe Illustrator

Back up a bit. In 2014 my grandpa visited Activate, our church's youth group, who also welcomed youth from other churches. He spoke of memories of going forward at a summer camp when he was 10. After his talk, we took a group picture, and our very talented main youth leader did something I never saw anyone else do over the course of my life. She managed to talk my dignified grandpa into making a goofy face in the middle of a crowd of teenagers for a picture.

As a pastor for many years before retiring, my grandpa had a heart for reaching youth. He loved and prayed for them. That evening endeared a 98-year-old man to a group of teens. They were present at what I believe was the last time he spoke before a group. He would write a letter to each of them a few months later.

As the weeks went on, Activate met weekly, and as a new leader, I got to know them. One evening a student by the name of Emilio, or Mio for short, came up to me and offered to draw a portrait of my grandpa. Mio usually carried a sketchbook, and also sometimes drew amazing artwork on the whiteboard, which never ceased to blow me away. I like to think of myself as an artist, but my drawing ability is nowhere near as good as his. He has an incredible talent. Anyway, a couple weeks later, Mio presented me with an amazing drawing:

I can't begin to express what his thoughtfulness meant to me, and to our entire family. My grandpa lived at an adult family home at the time, and I posted it on the wall of his room along with family pictures. I had to describe it to my grandpa, as he was nearly blind by this point, and I had to shout to be heard, to explain that this was drawn by Mio, one of the youth in Activate. I also told one of the nurses, in case my grandpa asked about it later. It was so tough to see my grandpa going through this.

Christmas of 2014, Activate celebrated with a white elephant gift exchange. As much as I love gift exchanges, I'm not a fan of the one where everyone gets a number. The first person opens a gift. The second person has a choice of claiming the first person's gift or opening a new one...and so on. Gifts can only be claimed from someone else once or twice, but as long as it's eligible to be claimed, the person who has it must let the other person take it, and may not reclaim it. I selected a gift and opened it to discover a calligraphy set. It was very cool and I was excited about it. Mio's turn was a few rounds later, and he walked up to me to claim it. I don't remember what I got instead, but what I do remember is that after the gift exchange was over, he came over and handed it back to me. I was so surprised and deeply moved. It was the last thing I expected.

In May of 2015, our family was gathered around my grandpa's bed when he took his final breath and was ushered into glory. Activate had planned to visit him, but he didn't make it to the scheduled date. The way Activate rallied around us and supported our family through that difficult time meant the world to us. At his memorial, I read my grandpa's eulogy. Mio was in attendance.

At one point, Mio invited me to a track meet at his high school. I felt honored to attend.

In 2016, I did the illustration at the top of this post of him, using a picture I took as the background.

In 2019, we met and caught up, and took a walk. It was great to see him again. We got some pictures:

Mio is a dear friend and brother in Christ. More than almost anyone I know, he exemplifies 1 Timothy 4:12: "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." Despite being about half my age now, he has challenged me to be a better person, to practice my art, and to be more thoughtful and generous toward others. I was one of his youth leaders, but I feel like he has taught me a lot more than I taught him.

Your Smile

My college friend Jenny Paulson had the most radiant smile. She brightened everyone around her, and I count it an honor to have known her. She lived life to the fullest. She was a great friend in college when I knew her, and her special needs students at the elementary where she taught loved her.

February 26, 2010, she was arriving at her school when her life was cut short by a murderer with a gun. I wrote this poem March 9 of that year, after attending her memorial. It is based on my memories of her and those of people who shared at the memorial. One thing that stuck with me from her memorial was when someone said that she lived life "on high octane." She touched so many lives. I know she's up in heaven dancing with her Savior, beaming as she always did in life.

Jenny Paulson
June 23, 1979 - February 26, 2010

Your passion for life
Your love of the Lord
Your care for all you met
These are your legacy

But I remember your smile
That smile that brightened my day
That smile that haunts me and inspires me
With one smile, the world could see:
Your passion for life
Your love of the Lord
Your care for all you met

In that smile are hundreds of memories
Different for each person you touched
Flying over the water on jet skis
And running out of gas on the lake
Remembering birthdays
And making sure they were celebrated
Inviting friends to church
Bringing them to Christ
Taking a break from your work
To eat lunch with your friends
Teaching children to read
And listening to their needs
Seeing the best in everyone
And loving without condition

Your smile touched more people than you know
And for that, I thank you
For that, I know that your smile
Is shining for all of heaven to see
As you smile and dance in the loving embrace of our loving Father
Whose smile is even bigger.

Paul Heaven

It was 1991. We had just gotten back to the US from the Philippines, with plans to return in a year. In previous furloughs, we had lived on Washington State's Olympic Peninsula, but this time we would be east of the Puget Sound, attending United Evangelical Free Church in Seattle.

I remember the first social gathering we attended. I met the Heavens and the Beckmans, two couples who would grow to be great friends, and both couples would become important in my life. Along with several other youth, we walked from church to the nearby Westernco Donuts (they have amazing apple fritters). Having just returned from the tropical Philippines, I was freezing. It was July. My 13-year-old mind was wondering how many degrees below 0 it was, while everyone else was wearing t-shirts and shorts.

At that time, we had weekly potlucks at church. Paul and Cathy Heaven had a great sense of humor, and they would bring angeled eggs to the potlucks on occasion. After all, if your name is Heaven, why would you think of bringing deviled eggs?

That summer, we had a church campout north of Seattle, and one day we went for a hike up Sauk Mountain. As we approached the trailhead from the parking lot, we encountered a sign-in sheet, and we signed in. We had a good laugh as the previous group had signed "The Heavenly Host"...and here we were with the Heavens! (When we got to the top, we got to introduce the Heavens to the Heavenly Host.) Sometime earlier, a minor landslide had taken out parts of the path up the hill, and consequently, parts of the switch-back path were narrower than the rest. With my fear of heights, I was terrified as we went over those parts. It was Paul who took my hand each time we reached a narrow part and got me across. I don't know how I would have made it up the hill without him there to help. That increased my respect for him, and when we got back home, I made some blackberry jam to thank him. (It was blackberry season, and as we didn't have blackberries in the Philippines, I made the most of it.)

Paul went out of his way to spend time with me, and he had a great ministry. At a time when I was known by my peers at school for not going to the cinema, he took me to my first cinematic movie. 101 Dalmatians was being re-released, and it was the first movie I ever saw in a regular theater.

As 1992 came along, they started expecting their first child. It was an exciting time, and near the end of the year, little Ethan was born. Cathy taught me how to hold him, and Ethan was the first baby I held properly. It was a very memorable day.

Though we ended up not returning to the Philippines as we were planning, Paul and Cathy and Ethan had to move on. We kept in touch off and on, and we heard about more kids joining their "Heavenly host." I have yet to meet their other kids (who are mostly grown by now), but maybe I will someday.

Years later, we got word that Paul had come down with cancer. They caught it, but it came back. After months of struggles, I got word this morning that my dear friend slipped into the presence of his Savior.

I am so grateful to Paul and Cathy for reaching out to me (literally at times) and loving a missionary kid who felt more at home in the Philippines. That they would take time to get to know me, just to hang out at times, and to help in other ways as well, spoke volumes. They were instrumental in my transition to 8th grade and high school in the US, and if not for them, I would not be who I am today. I only hope I can be as caring and helpful to others as they were to me.

Thank you, Paul. I look forward to seeing you in Heaven.

Now please excuse me while I go cry...

Cathy has done a great job of keeping people updated here. Check it out for more on these amazing people.

My Testimonial

We had our last Biggest Loser finale at my gym tonight. Since Vision Quest was recently bought out by LA Fitness, they have sadly chosen to close down four branches of VQ that have an LA Fitness within a few blocks. This marks the end of an era, but a journey that I am not giving up any time soon. I was listening to testimonials tonight and wishing that I had written one to share. After I got home, I realized I can do the next best thing... Blog it!

When I was young, I struggled with my weight, but in retrospect, I don't think it was as bad as I thought it was. I remember one of my classmates in 3rd grade constantly teasing me about being fat (and any other subject he could possibly think of teasing me about). It's possible other peers teased me over the years, but that's the one I remember offhand. In any case, while I otherwise had good self-esteem, I always felt like I weighed more than I should.

My high school senior picture, 1996

Looking at this picture now, I have no idea where I got the idea that I was overweight, as I wish I weighed that little (and I'm working on it)! After graduating from high school, I attended Edmonds Community College for two years. My first quarter, I took a weight training class, and I determined that from then on, I would work out faithfully. My second quarter, I didn't take that class, but still resolved to work out every day. It didn't happen. So from then on, I resolved to take the class every quarter to force myself to work out. It worked wonderfully, and after two years, I looked like this:

I felt amazing, and more fit than I ever had. Well, maybe when I was little and had boundless energy, but aside from that...

Then I transferred to Seattle Pacific University. Those were some amazing years, and well worth the exorbitant prices they charged. But one drawback is that their cafeteria has amazingly delicious food. After two years at SPU, I had gained the weight back, and then some. In the years that have followed, I have seen my weight increase more and more. My parents tried several times over the years to talk to me about it, but it has always been a touchy subject for me. I know they meant well, and I could tell they did it because they cared and wanted me to stick around for many years to come. But somehow it unintentionally triggered a rebellious side in me. I didn't tell them that I was just as worried as they were (well, probably not AS worried, but I was more worried than I let on). Food and I have always had a wonderful loving relationship, and not having the motivation of a grade, or even access to a weight room, I didn't get much exercise aside from walking with my parents once in a while.

Two events really got to me, though. An aunt sent me a card, and inside was a typed letter warning me about the dangers of diabetes and other serious consequences of being overweight. She told me she wished she had heeded the warnings sooner, as she had struggled with it, and had recently been diagnosed with diabetes. Another time, an uncle visited from California, and one night he and I sat down in the living room and had a conversation about weight. He told me about one time when he worked in a morgue and had to prepare the body of a friend who had died from being overweight. It was one of the hardest things he had ever done. Neither the aunt nor the uncle in question had ever confronted me about anything before (that I can remember).

With my friend Bob Smiley in 2010

With my cousin Darcy in 2012

My weight was getting more and more of a serious issue. I remember once I hoped I would never get above 200 pounds. I got way over that. I don't think I ever reached 300, but I got too close for comfort.

Then in 2011, I went back to Edmonds Community College for further studies. EdCC has amazing effects on my weight. I really should go there more often. Anyway, I was studying Visual Communications, which include graphic design, photography, video and the like. My final quarter, at the beginning of 2013, I did an internship with Steve Sosa, one of my teachers. He taught me a lot about creativity and design, and I wanted to do my internship with him as he always brought out the creative side in me. In that internship, I worked with my friend Shanel, who I had had some classes with, and it was then that I met her boyfriend Tyler. I knew who he was before that, but I didn't really get to know him until then. He worked at a local gym called Vision Quest, and he was constantly passing out cards with special deals for joining the gym. The thing that really got me was, not only did I want to support a friend, but he never once talked to me directly about it. In the past, people who have confronted me about my weight (either because they cared or because they felt like making fun of me) tended to make me put up my defenses and resist. The fact that Tyler never mentioned it to me (though I heard him talking to others about the gym) was what sold me. In addition, I like to support my friends. So I asked him about it, and he gave me a coupon, which I was to present when I went in.

So at the end of January 2013, I went to Vision Quest in Edmonds, WA to check it out. I sat down with Tyler, who was on duty at the time, and we discussed my goals and how we could work on this problem. He paired me up with Mara, one of the trainers, and the two of them alternated training me. My membership came with one free training session a month, which Tyler did, and other training sessions were with Mara. I joined Mara's team, called the Savages.

Vision Quest has a Biggest Loser program, which they do three times a year. Shortly after I joined the gym, they had the finale for that Biggest Loser session, and Mara practically dragged me into the aerobics room where they had the final weigh-in, testimonials, and other festivities. One testimonial that really got to me was from Erin, who shared that people had teased her mercilessly about being overweight. It got so bad that she had very nearly committed suicide. She had joined the gym and lost a lot of weight and now felt much healthier. The support system is amazing there, and she had made friends who appreciated her for who she was and who she was becoming. One thing that really got me was that her "before" picture didn't look fat to me. Maybe it was because I was comparing it to my weight at the time. She did look much healthier than the "before" picture, though. Another person that got to me was the winner of that Biggest Loser challenge, Kathy. She had lost 100 pounds, and the difference was striking. Erin and Kathy (and many others) have both been great support and inspiration since then on the journey we've all been on.

Tyler was a great help, as he trained me as much as he could. However, he mentioned that Mara was more qualified and should be my main trainer. He still did my monthly free training sessions, though. But all good things must come to an end, and Tyler eventually decided to move on. He and Shanel later moved to San Francisco so that Shanel could pursue further classes in design.

With Tyler at their farewell

Picture by Ton Sridi, used with permission

Encouraged by Tyler, Mara, and several others, I participated in the next Biggest Loser, starting in May 2013. In that competition, I placed third, losing 33 pounds! Shortly before the end of the competition, I participated in an 18K walk. As it turned out, that was too much for me at that point, but my teammate and friend Johanna (alternately called Mama Jo and Jo Mama), who also participated in it, mentioned me in her testimonial at the end of the competition. She said that the fact that I had done it was an inspiration. I was partly flattered and partly challenged to press on with the journey.

Between that Biggest Loser and the next one, I lost more weight. The following Biggest Loser, I again placed high on the list, losing 18 pounds. Everyone at the gym was a major encouragement to me. We cheered each other on, and in many ways, we became like a big family. While Biggest Loser is a competition, we were all working together. The competition helped to motivate me to keep fighting, and the inspiration from friends helped even more. Mara was one of my biggest cheerleaders. She did some amazing things to help motivate me to work harder, but she also cared about more than just working out. She showed interest in my design skills. I did a redesign of the Savages logo, which she proudly showed off:

Savage

© Steven Sauke, 2013

But Vision Quest was bought out by LA Fitness. The new company promised not to make any major changes for 90 days, but during that time, we lost several of our amazing trainers, including Mara. I was sad to see her go, but I had to roll with the punches. (That may have been somewhat literal had I chosen to train with Eli, another trainer who enjoyed boxing with his clients.) :-) So by this time, I had gotten to know several of the trainers. I had come to respect Gareth, who I could tell was an excellent trainer. Several of his clients had scored near or at the top in previous Biggest Loser programs. Gareth turned out to be a great choice, as we lost more and more trainers, but not him. He has been a fun and challenging trainer, and he has stuck it out through everything. Now, not only do I have my former Savages to root for, but Gareth's G$ (pronounced "G Money") team has been a great team. Some of the Savages joined Team Panda, another of the awesome teams, so they've been an amazing support as well. Chris, who has been director the past few months in addition to training Team Panda, has done a great job of helping all the teams to get to know each other and strengthen our bonds of friendship and rooting for each other.

Mara in particular, but also Gareth, have worked with me as well in the area of food intake. One thing I have appreciated about Vision Quest is that they help not only with the workout aspect, but also with the intake and helping to address other factors that lead to weight gain. While I'm still a big fan of food, I'm much more careful than I used to be with how much I eat.

On April 17, 2014, LA Fitness announced that four branches of Vision Quest were closing: Edmonds, Everett, Kent and Tacoma. The remaining six branches would stay open but rebrand as LA Fitness. The closing branches all have an LA Fitness within a few blocks. While I understand LA Fitness' reasoning, it has come as a bit of a blow to all of us who enjoy the "small gym" family feel. In some ways, it's like a loss in the family. Now we all need to figure out what to do next. When I go to a new gym, will I get a trainer I know? I know some of the trainers are transferring to the nearby Lynnwood LA Fitness. How will the much larger gym, which is part of an international chain, compare to the support group I have at my small local gym? I don't know what is to come, though I have no intention of stopping, or even slowing down now that I've come this far.

Tonight we had our final Biggest Loser finale. Since the beginning of this competition, my final weigh-in revealed a loss of 14.6 pounds. 

All told, as of tonight, I have lost 74 pounds so far.

Me on St. Patrick's Day 2014

I've lost a few pounds since then, but this is pretty close to how I look now.

Tyler, Mara, Gareth, Chris, Eli, Erin, Kathy, Jo Mama and so many more people, you are my heroes. Thank you for your constant encouragement and friendship. You have no idea how much it means to me. I imagine I'd still be around right now if it weren't for this journey, but I am quite certain that you have helped lengthen my life considerably. I'll probably never know by how much.

Also, thanks to all my other (biological) family and (not biological) friends who have rooted for me, prayed for me, encouraged me, and done so much more over the years.

The Lord's Prayer

Today's Sunday school lesson from Luke 11 and Matthew 6...


Jesus had an interesting way of teaching. Sometimes He didn’t teach people what they expected Him to teach. He would do it by example. Sometimes He told stories to help people to understand a point. Sometimes He used miracles. One of his stories had some surprising news about who we were supposed to love. The Samaritans, who the Jews hated, were supposed to be loved and treated with respect. To teach that, He told a story about how respected Jews didn’t help a wounded man, but a Samaritan did. When Jesus visited His friends Mary and Martha, Martha was surprised when Jesus told her it was better for Mary to be listening and learning than to help Martha prepare the meal.

Jesus made a point of praying all the time. His disciples saw Him doing this, and one day, one of them had a request. “Jesus, can You teach us how to pray? John the Baptist taught his disciples how to pray, and it would be really cool if you could teach us that too.”

Jesus thought that was a great idea. So He told them to pray something like this:

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be Your name.
Your Kingdom come,
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For Yours is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.

Then Jesus told them a parable. Imagine with me that an old friend suddenly showed up at your door one night and needed to spend the night. They’ve been traveling a long way, and they’re really hungry. They didn’t call ahead and tell you they were coming, but they’re such a good friend that you just can’t turn them down! But…oh no! You don’t have any food to feed them, because you didn’t know they were coming! So what do you do? You go to your friendly neighbor’s house and knock on the door to ask if they could share some food. All the stores are closed in the middle of the night, so you can’t exactly go shopping. But it’s midnight, and your neighbor, who is so nice during the daytime, is in bed. People don’t like it when someone knocks on their door asking for food in the middle of the night! So your neighbor says, “Are you kidding? Go ‘way! The door is locked, we’re all in bed, and it’s too late! Who eats a big meal at midnight anyway?” The neighbor might not give you anything because you’re friends, but because you dared to come knocking and ask, and maybe to make sure you still think well of them, the neighbor will get up and give you something to serve your guest. So ask. It will be given to you. Search and you’ll find. Knock, and they’ll open the door.

Now imagine you’re all grown up and you have kids. One day your son asks you, “Can I have a fish?” Would you say, “Naah, I think I’ll give you a snake instead!”? What if he asks for an egg? Would you give him a scorpion? Of course not! Just think…if you know what’s good to give others, how much more does God know what’s good to give you?

The "Steven Paraphrase":

Dad in heaven,
You are holy and so much more awesome
than anything or anyone else.
Rule as King over our lives,
Whatever you want to happen, make it happen,
here on earth just like in heaven.
Give us food to eat today,
and forgive us for our sins,
in the same way that we’ve forgiven
people who have been mean to us.
Don’t let us be tempted,
but save us from evil.
You are our King forever.
Nobody is stronger than You.
You are glorious forever and ever.
I agree.

~~~

I found some pictures to illustrate Luke 11:11-12: "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?"

Driving Fear

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." -Proverbs 9:10a

This is the first of a short series of blog posts (inspired by my friend Andy Brasfield) about what I've learned over the years about the fear of the Lord, and driving in general.

When I was young, I kept hearing about how the Bible says we're supposed to fear God. Then other times angels told people not to be afraid. Other verses are very clear about how God loves us, and He wants to be our best friend. When we choose to follow God, we are free as never before. How are we supposed to be afraid of our best friend and liberator...and if He inspires fear, is He really a friend and liberator in the first place? This dichotomy has led, in my opinion, to a misunderstanding of God's nature, especially in American circles, where our culture frowns on fear and encourages friendship. We are taught that God is our friend, and we have nothing to fear. Then we see verses like 1 John 4:18, which says that "perfect love drives out fear." When we look at the verses about the fear of God, we get confused, and we often decide the word must be mistranslated. Maybe it means awe, or something else. It wasn't until I started taking driver's ed when something sunk in for me. I submit that fear means fear. Sheer, abject terror.

While learning to drive, my dad (who taught me) was very clear about the dangers of driving. He impressed upon me that a car can be a weapon, and it is vitally important to be careful, to drive defensively, to do everything possible to stay within the law and avoid getting in an accident. The point was further emphasized when he had me go to a day class taught by a professional instructor. After I got to the class, I found out that it was mainly for people who had been ordered by the courts to attend. The icebreaker for the class was for us to go around and answer the "Why are you here?" question. Everyone but me had broken the law, had DUIs, etc. I was the only one who hadn't yet obtained a license. The more I learned, the more the parallel dawned on me regarding the fear of the Lord.

Driving, and serving the Lord, are incredibly liberating. Once I got my driver's license, it was like a huge load was lifted off of me. I no longer had to depend on people giving me rides everywhere I needed to go.

Driving, and serving the Lord, are incredibly terrifying. I have been in enough accidents (more on that in a future post) to know that if I do anything out of line while driving (or someone else on the road does), I am taking my life, and the life of any passengers, in my hands.

In the same way, serving the Lord makes me free. On numerous occasions, He has given me an incredible sense of peace, and I would not trade this life for anything. I have seen Him do miracles in my life - not the least of which was how He miraculously healed my eyes from an incurable disease.

However, the Bible tells over and over about how, while God loves us deeply, our sins can drive Him to extreme measures to get our attention. Over and over in the Bible, God sent plagues, storms, diseases, opened the ground and swallowed people. Even today, He sometimes allows us to suffer the consequences of our sins to teach us to follow Him. He will allow us to get sick, sometimes even die, from choosing to abuse our bodies (by drugs, cigarettes, overeating [I'm guilty on that count], etc.). If we choose to speed, run a red light, fail to watch carefully while driving, we can get into a wreck that can cause serious repercussions.

On the other hand, we shouldn't be so terrified of driving, or of God, that we do nothing. If we go to that extreme, that can also have serious repercussions.

Yes, driving is incredibly freeing, and I love that...but I also balance it with a healthy fear of getting in an accident. That fear keeps me from making stupid mistakes while driving. It should be the same with God...and even more so. I love Him more than I can express, but I also fear Him. The problem is, I don't fear Him enough. If I love and fear driving more than I love and fear God, I need to get my priorities straight.

One thing that has stuck with me from a devotional I read years ago is the saying "If you fear God, you have nothing else to fear."

Rob Phillips

This has been a difficult week, as I lost a dear friend and brother in Christ early Tuesday morning (February 15, 2011). A heart attack hit, and suddenly he was gone, despite the best efforts of the doctors and nurses.

It all started when I joined Christian comedian Bob Smiley's online message board in approximately 2000. That was where I met Jerri Phillips, a wonderful Texan woman of God who I have grown to admire more and more over the years. She had a husband and two children that I heard about often.

Fast-forward to 2007. My friend Brian Green was getting married in Texas, and I was honored to be requested to come and be a groomsman. I decided to make a vacation of it and visited friends in Louisiana and Texas, as well as surprising Christian singer Clay Crosse by attending a concert in Baton Rouge (we've become good friends). After spending a few days in Louisiana with friends, I took the train to Dallas, where I was greeted by a very excited Jerri and her two children. Her husband Rob was at work, but I got to meet him when he got home that evening. Over the next few days, I got to know their family, and I gained even more of a respect and love for each of them. They took me around, and we generally had a great time. The kids especially are very artistic, and I also enjoyed my time doing artwork with them at their home. At one point, they took me to a restaurant they loved (I forget the name), and Rob introduced me to their cheese fries. Probably terribly fattening, but they were oh so good!

One thing that particularly impressed me about Rob was his thoughtfulness. About a month before Jerri's birthday one year, he sent out an e-mail to all of their friends and asked us to send birthday cards, as a special surprise for Jerri. He worked it out for us to send them to their neighbor so Jerri would not catch wind of the plan. Then on her birthday, she was flooded with cards from all over the country.

Tuesday morning of this week, I was on the bus, almost to work, and I checked my e-mail on my phone. I saw a message from Jerri explaining that Rob had had a massive heart attack shortly after midnight. I was immediately very concerned, and then a little confused when I saw in the next paragraph that there would be a celebration service. Then I reread the first paragraph and realized that it said "fatal massive heart attack." Then the bus arrived at work. Early in the day, I sent an e-mail to my manager explaining that I had lost a dear friend and may be a bit slower than normal doing my work, due to the shock. At lunch I called my friend Carmel, also a good friend of Rob and Jerri, to make sure she knew (I didn't feel I had the right to tell her what happened, as it needed to come from Jerri, but I recommended that she check her messages). Most of this week I have had to hold in the grief, or I would not get any work done. But this weekend I have had some time to process it. I don't, and probably never will, understand how or why God would choose to take a healthy 42-year-old man who had a family who needed him, and I can't fathom how it must feel for the family left behind. I know that I've shed lots of tears this week.

When looking through my pictures of my trip to Texas, I was disappointed not to find any of Rob, but I found a few of the rest of the family. (One of my favorites is at the top of this post.) Please keep Jerri, Anna and Robert in your prayers. I can't even begin to imagine their pain, but if it's been this tough for me, it's got to be much harder for them. I know that God will work even this out for good, but sometimes it's so hard to see the beauty to come through the difficult and strangling ugliness right now.

Update: Jerri reminded me that the restaurant with the cheese fries is called Snuffer's. If you're ever in the Fort Worth area, I highly recommend it.