Pardon Me, Sir

The commercials are classic. A car pulls alongside another, in which a man is sitting in the backseat with an fancy sandwich on a plate, with elegant silverware and the works, laid out on a seatback table. The gentleman is spreading Dijon mustard (which he just pulled out a special compartment in the car just for Dijon storage) on his sandwich. In a (usually) British accent, the man in the first car says, "Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?" The man who is eating graciously says, "But of course!" He may or may not hand it to the man who requested it.

I recently found the following poem in my papers. I handwrote it at some point, but did not date it, so I don't know when it was written. I was trying to sound British, but in retrospect, I may have been trying a little too hard. All the same, I hope people find it entertaining. Perhaps it will inspire you to share your Dijon mustard. Also remember, "It's one of life's finer pleasures."

It is best read in a British accent.

Photo by Prostock-studio on Adobe Stock

Pardon me, sir
Pardon me
Could I make just one little request?
Pardon me, sir
Pardon me
Could you tell me, full of zest?
Would—
Oh dear, the traffic light is green!

How I crave it!
Oh to taste it!
My stomach's set
I need it yet!
I hope that gentleman has a bit!

Pardon me, sir
Pardon me
Could you grant one small request?
Pardon me, sir
Pardon me
Of this I do not jest
Would you—
Oh, the traffic light is green!

Oh I crave it!
Oh to taste it!
My tummy's set
I need it yet!
I sincerely hope he won't waste it!

Pardon me, sir
Pardon me
I would like to make a request
Pardon me, sir
Pardon me
If you could tell me, with some zest
Would you have any Grey Poupon?

But of course you do!
But of course!
I thank you, kind sir!
I thank you so very much!
You make me jolly!

Pardon me, sir
Pardon me...