Light in the Darkness

It was just after midnight when my brother got the call from the hospital. My mom came in the room, and when she saw him on the phone at that hour of the night, she knew it couldn't be a good sign. A few minutes later, he turned the phone over to her and came and got me. My worst fears were confirmed when we got into the kitchen and he said, "Dad just died."

The hospital wondered if we would like to come see him before they moved him to the morgue. I knew I needed to go. Once my mom was done talking to them, we gathered in a hug, the three of us huddled together in grief. We got dressed and went to the hospital. One of the nurses met us at the door and escorted us up, as it was after visiting hours. He looked much more peaceful than he had a few hours previous when I had talked to him and said my good byes (but in the hopes I would be able to come back the following day to talk more, and hoping and praying he would recover against all odds). A charity had donated quilts to the hospital for patients on comfort care, which the family got to keep. We gathered around his bed. It was an important part in saying good bye, but I hadn't expected it to be so soon! He went so quickly. We took his belongings and the quilt home. The quilt is now on our couch. We would get to see him once more, a few days later at the funeral home.

The jar
(My painting Le mont Rainier is in the background.
As it was December, we had our nativity scenes up.)

As friends and family heard the news, people started sending flowers. I got a big bouquet from my team at work. It meant a lot. But the most meaningful gift for me came from my friends Kim and Jason Kotecki. I have mentioned them on my blog in the past. Jason is a masterful artist who has done many amazing paintings. One of his recent paintings is called Hope in the Darkness. It has a mason jar on the grass with fireflies inside and flying upward out of the jar. There are trees at night in the background. It is dark, but the light from the fireflies indicate hope, bright lights flying through the air and providing their own light where there isn't much. (My blanket has that painting on it as well.)

Hope in the Darkness
Jason Kotecki, 2020
Used with permission

I picked up the box from them at our door and wondered if I had ordered something from them and had forgotten about it. It was heavier than I expected. When I opened the box, I found a mason jar with rocks in it. I was confused at first, but after a bit of examination realized what it was. It had semitransparent blue river rocks with fairy lights wrapped around the rocks inside the jar. It also has an on/off switch and a battery compartment. It harkens back to his painting.

The flowers we received were very meaningful, but that jar lamp meant more to me than I can express. I use it all the time before going to bed. In a way, it's almost like my dad is there with me, shining a light into the room. I miss him.

But their kindness didn't stop there. Kim and Jason's oldest daughter Lucy makes amazing winter hats. I ordered some at an excellent price, and she outdid herself. Jason's dad Walt (a cancer survivor and an amazing person) offered to talk by phone and be a comfort. All of that meant the world to me.

Kim recently lost her dad. I pray for their family's comfort and encourage anyone who feels so inclined to join me. I'm so thankful she got to spend time in the hospital with her dad before the end. We've had so much grief and loss in the past few years. COVID, international conflicts, earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, shootings, cancer, and so much more. We all need comfort and love. The world needs more families like the Koteckis, who make an effort to reach out and offer a prayer, a hug, an ear to listen, creativity, immense talent, and so much more. Kim likes to talk about chosen family, who are not related by blood, but are as good as family. They are part of my chosen family.

There is always hope in the darkness. Even in the darkest night, there are always glimmers of light and hope if we know where to look. The Koteckis remind me to be the light for someone who needs it.

Tsunami!

I wrote this poem December 28, 2004 after the massive 9.0 earthquake and tsunami two days earlier across the Indian Ocean. It claimed over 225,000 lives in Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Thailand, Myanmar, Maldives, India, Somalia, Kenya and Seychelles, among other countries. The devastation was horrifying, and it claimed lives indiscriminately, from the poorest to the richest. Among the dead was 21-year-old Prince Poom Jensen (พุ่ม เจนเซน) of Thailand, grandson of King Bhumibol Adulyadej (ภูมิพลอดุลยเดช, 1927-2016), the third-longest-reigning monarch in history. The quote at the end of the poem is from Psalm 46:1-3.

This seemed appropriate to post now, in light of the recent devastating earthquake in Syria and Türkiye. The death toll for that is in the thousands last I heard. I can't begin to fathom the devastation and loss from either disaster.

Image by Viks_jin, Adobe Stock

The sun shone bright on the tropical sea
The palm trees swayed gently in the breeze
As the waves brushed softly against the beach.
Who could know what was about to happen?

His Highness the Prince set out on his jet skis
An old beggar asked for money to buy his next meal
A monk knelt before a statue of Buddha
While someone else, facing Mecca, said a prayer to Allah
A mother put her child down for a nap
And tourists lounged lazily on the beach
Snorklers took in the splendor of the magnificent coral
As the sun beat down on Asia and Africa

Then it happened.

The waves grew suddenly large
The rising water engulfed the beggar
As the trembling ground felled the ancient Indonesian temple
And the mosque collapsed in the force of the quake
As a great island shifted 100 feet to the southwest

The earth stopped shaking
But the disaster was far from over
The waves rose higher
Great walls of water threw His Highness into the sea
And dashed the snorklers against the rugged coral
The angry ocean crashed into the beaches
And took the tourists by surprise
3000 miles the water traveled
To wash away African villages
As countless mothers and children across the coasts of Asia and Africa
Were swept from their homes into the raging sea

The sheer force of the tsunamis
Lifted many off the ground
And hurled them far inland or out to sea

How many were lost that day?
How many more will be lost to disease?
Who can say?
But this I know:
God had a reason for this
May His Kingdom be advanced through this,
The worst tragedy of the young century

May this be our comfort:
"God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging"

Let us run to Him
And take shelter in His loving arms
God will be exalted.
Praise His holy Name!

The Tour Guide of Chiang Mai

สวัสดี ครับ (Sawadee khrap!)*

Hello!

Thailand is a stunningly beautiful country with a very long history. Our adventure there in 1990 was memorable for many reasons. The beach in Huahin in the south was stunning (though we had to avoid stepping on or touching the jellyfish that had washed up on the shore). It was fascinating exploring the palaces and other attractions in Bangkok. One evening we ate at Tum Nak Thai, the largest restaurant in the world at the time (the servers used roller skates to get around).** The intricacy of their architecture blew me away. Though we didn't learn much Thai, the first thing we learned was ไม่เผ็ด (approximately pronounced "my pet"), which means "not spicy" (or "zero stars"). It is a very important thing to know when ordering in Thai restaurants and has been useful to know in years since when I've gone to Thai restaurants in surprising the servers. 😀 I've only had to translate into English for a server once in a Thai restaurant in the US.

Old Market in Bangkok

One thing I will always remember is the kindness of our cab driver in the northern city of Chiang Mai. If I remember right, his name was Wic. (I'm sure that's short for something.) We came to Thailand using frequent flyer miles, and we weren't with a tour group. I'm not sure how all the arrangements were made, as I was 12, but Wic became our official tour guide. He arrived at our hotel every morning and took us all over the place, in many cases to places that were not frequented by tourists, but were incredibly fascinating.

We got to ride samlor (สามล้อ), or tricycles (the word literally means "three wheels"). We also got to ride the similar tuk tuks (ตุ๊ก ตุ๊ก, not pictured - the main difference is that samlors are pulled by bicyles, and tuk tuks are motorized and have a roof over the whole thing). That's Wic standing on the right in the top picture. He took us to visit Buddhist temples. We had to take our shoes off at the door, and we marveled at the intricacy of everything. He took us to the Maesa Elephant Camp, where we got to ride elephants. I remember being surprised that their dung is green. (TMI?) They are majestic and highly intelligent animals. It was fascinating.

Perhaps the most fascinating part was when he took us to see the ancient ruins of the palaces. His English was limited, but he explained that Chiang Mai was once the capital, and the palaces were destroyed in an earthquake around 1000 years ago. The grounds were deserted when we were there. If we had gone with a tour group, we may not have gone there, and it was a highlight of the trip.

Chiang Mai is the home of many different kinds of factories, and Wic took us to many of them. The silk factory (he's holding a basket with silkworms in the lower left picture) had fascinating exhibits of the entire process from the silkworms hatching to the end product. The umbrella factory had incredible paintings on their very large umbrellas. There were factories for lacquer trinkets and sculptures, for jade sculptures, for statues, and several others. They were fascinating.

We could not have asked for a better tour guide if we had paid a lot more for an "official" tour. He was a cab driver, and he took it on himself to take us around for several days. Wic went way above and beyond the call of duty, and he made it a very memorable, educational and fascinating time.

My mom and a friend in Chiang Mai
(Said friend was much nicer than
another monkey I could mention!)

* The formalities in Thai are interesting. In Tagalog, formalities depend on the person you are speaking to, so if you are talking to someone older, you add po to what you are saying. French has two words for "you" depending on who (and how many people) you're talking to. English has "sir" and "ma'am", depending on who you're talking to. But in Thai, these formalities depend on the gender of the person talking. Males say สวัสดี ครับ (Sawadee khrap), and females say สวัสดี ค่ะ (Sawadee kha). That said, I just did a little more research on this and found they have other greetings that vary depending on how close you are to the person you're talking to. Languages fascinate me.

** A little research just now tells me that Tum Nak Thai is no more, and there is a Carrefour there now. I guess they aren't just in Europe, as I thought a few days ago!

A Faithful Dog

Daisy was a beautiful and loyal collie who lived on my great-aunt and great-uncle's farm in Montana. I wrote this poem in 2001, shortly after she was killed by a mountain lion. I'm not sure how long she lived, but I believe she was in her teens. My great-uncle passed away in 2000. Our whole family mourned his loss, and Daisy was no exception. She passed away the following year.

This is not Daisy, but she looked similar to this
Photo by Rita Kochmarjova,
Adobe Stock

She played among the daisies in the field
Beneath her master's watchful eye
She ran and fetched the sticks her master threw
And she stuck close to him
She was a faithful dog

When his visitors came,
She played with them
When his family came,
She played with them

She romped and ran and played and jumped
She loved everyone she met
She played with the children
And she played with the adults
And she stuck close to her master
She was a faithful dog

She stuck close when he was hurt
She stuck close when he was ill
She stuck close when he was well
She loved with all of her heart
Her heart as big as the mountains around the ranch

She and her master grew older
She and her master grew slower
And still she stuck by him
She was a faithful dog

One day her master was gone
Never to return

And she stuck by his chair
Her sorrow kept her there
But still she played
And still she loved
She was a faithful and playful dog

One day she was gone
Never to return

She played among the daisies in the field
Beneath her master's twinkling eye

The ranch where Daisy lived
I took this picture September 10, 2022.

"It's a Beautiful Day!"

"It's a beautiful day!"

It was a sunny day, and I had to agree with my classmate at BCTI. I don't recall his name, but his genuine smile and friendly greeting made my day.

Next day...

"It's a beautiful day!"

This time it was raining out, and the weather was nasty. The commute to school had been frustrating at times. But he wore the same friendly smile and joyful demeanor. Once again, it made my day.

Image from: Kraken images

Every day it was the same. No matter the weather, no matter what was going on, no matter how stressful classes were, he always had the same smile and the same friendly greeting that couldn't help but make me smile. "It's a beautiful day!"

It's true. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We miss so much joy and beauty when we focus on the rain and doom and gloom around us. Things are tough sometimes. But we can look at life with a more optimistic viewpoint, as this guy did. I wish I could remember his name. I hope he reads this, as he continues to inspire me over 20 years later, nearly half a lifetime ago. He taught me an important lesson in joy and optimism. We can't necessarily control our circumstances, but we can control how we respond to them.

His joy was contagious.

With a simple smile and a (sometimes unexpected) greeting, he had a way of melting any fears and tension away. I want to be like that when I grow up. If you are reading this, sir, I salute you and thank you for the inspiration you are.

Black and White Surprise

Shortly after my aunt and uncle got married in 1986, my aunt informed me that they had "a black and white surprise" at their house. She didn't elaborate, but it set my imagination running. What could it be?

The next time I visited their apartment was when I met Alley. She was a beautiful kitten and a fantastic feline cousin. My human cousins Annika and Andréa were born later, and they grew up with Alley. I wrote this poem October 20, 2004, shortly after their beautiful cat left us at the age of 18. She lived a good long life and brought a lot of joy to everyone she met.

Alley
1986 - 2004

They had a black and white surprise
What could it be?
A new piano? An episode of Lucy?
Perhaps a figurine set upon the mantle?
Or could it be...?

A black and white kitten!
A surprise and a joy
She pranced and pounced
She stood on her hind legs
As her front paws reached for that yarn

She purred and she played
A house became a home
As she welcomed new family members
The black and white surprise grew into a beautiful cat
As she played with a newborn baby, and then with a toddler
Soon came another baby
And the black and white surprise
Mixed her meows
With the children's joyful coos and squeals of glee.

She was there for all
A joy and a comfort
Always ready and willing to sit on a lap
And be lovingly stroked

And the black and white surprise grew old
As she napped in the yard
And purred on folks' laps
Always a joy
Always a wonderful, loving cat

But her health began to fail
She could no longer run and play
And one day she closed her beautiful eyes
For the last time

There she lies
Those sparkling eyes closed forever in sleep
And we can only remember
An adorable kitten, playful and sweet
A young cat, generous and loving
An aged and wizened feline, majestic and kind

And as always,
A black and white surprise.

Generosity and Advocacy

In late 2001, the world was still reeling from 9/11. I had a temporary position in September, which ended sometime after that. As finding a job has never been a particularly simple task, I was wondering if I needed to take more classes to gain more skills. I had majored in French at Seattle Pacific University, but without a skill to go with it, there's only so much you can do with a language degree. (Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful I took French, and it has come in useful! I have endeavored to keep it up in more recent years.) One day as I was leaving our local WorkSource, the local state-run centers where we can go to get assistance with the job search, someone was at the door handing out flyers for Business Computer Training Institute (BCTI). This intrigued me, as I have enjoyed computers, going back to the 80s, and most corporate fields involve computer knowledge to some degree. I looked into it and enrolled. The first half of the program involved studying computer programs, such as Word, Excel, Access and others, as well as skills in interacting with customers and colleagues, learning to train others, research, business letters, and more. I was recognized as Student of the Month at one point. The second half of the program involved the more technical aspects of computers, such as learning about the inner workings of the computer, as well as HTML and basic graphic design (just enough graphic design to get a taste of it and realize I loved it, but not enough to get a job in it...I would return to school in 2011 to get more in-depth design training). 

During my time at BCTI, I formed new friendships. That was also when I had a terrifying experience driving into the sun. But that's another story. Back to the friendships. The particularly memorable ones for me were Ofa, Belinda, Cliff, Michelle and Josh. I'm still in contact with most of them to some extent (or back in contact). I completed my studies there in 2003. In 2005, the school abruptly shut down, taking everyone by surprise. Students and employees arrived for work and class, and the doors were locked. It was a blow to everyone, current students and alumni alike. Many of us have mixed feelings about having gone there due to the nature of its abrupt closing, but personally, I am thankful for the skills I learned and the friends I met who have challenged me to be a better person.

Picture used with permission

One such friend was Belinda. She and Ofa hung out together. When we finished the first half of the program, Ofa made a Hawaiian shell necklace for me. At least for a while, I lost track of most of them (though not all). With the advent of Facebook and other social media a few years later, I got back in contact with some of them. I maintained contact with Michelle and Josh. In more recent years, I got back in contact with Belinda over Facebook. By this time, she had several children. I also got back in contact with Cliff after she reconnected us. She has always been one of the kindest people I have known, but she has had a difficult life. She has taught me a lot about kindness and patience in the face of racism and other forms of bigotry. I admire her advocacy and huge heart for racial minorities, LGBT and other marginalized communities. With her Asian and Latina heritage, she has experienced racism against both groups. She has actively worked with several organizations to provide food and other important stuff for many people who need it. She is one of my heroes.

A couple years ago, I posted a prayer request on Facebook because I was trying to get to sleep, and sleep wasn't coming. I was getting a bit desperate because I needed to be alert the following day. By posting, I was only asking for prayer and good thoughts. But Belinda messaged me and asked if I would like some tea to help me sleep. I was touched by the gesture. She ordered some from Amazon Fresh for me. In order to get up to their minimum, she also ordered other groceries that would be useful. They showed up on our doorstep the following day. I was overwhelmed. I have been able to return the favor a couple times since then.

Due to the COVID pandemic, Belinda's upcoming wedding would be in her backyard with only a few in attendance, and broadcast live on Facebook. I was invited to attend virtually, which I felt honored to do. I watched online and toasted the happiness of Belinda and her new husband:

Belinda also introduced me to a new friend named Michelle (different Michelle from the one mentioned above), who has a similar huge heart for assisting and advocating for others. She is also an amazing cook, and I have bought sweet potato pie from her two years running, for Thanksgiving. She also makes fantastic pumpkin bread. If you need either of those and live in the area, I highly recommend talking to her. 😀

It's people like Belinda who make the world a better place. She is a constant encouragement to everyone around her. She has had a very difficult life, but she has overcome many obstacles to enrich the lives of everyone she knows.