"Fred Phelps, why do you persecute Me?"

"Persecution"
© May 29, 2013 Steven Sauke
All Rights Reserved

As many people know, Fred Phelps is the pastor of Westboro Baptist Church, which is famous for protesting funerals of soldiers and other events, purportedly warning people of God's wrath and hatred because of homosexuality and various other issues that they oppose.

God, on the other hand, has a decidedly different opinion on the matter. As the apostle Peter put it in 2 Peter 3:9, "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise [to return and judge the world], as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

Westboro's vitriolic and hateful actions have recently reminded me of another apostle, originally named Saul. Later in life, he told Timothy, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life" (1 Timothy 1:15-16).

What great sin did Saul commit to call himself the worst of sinners? He started out as a Pharisee, a member of a religious sect that was devoted to keeping the Law of Moses to such an extent that they added a bunch of laws to it, and actively sought to root out anyone that broke said laws. When Jesus came to fulfill the Law, they were instrumental in putting Him to death because they felt He spoke blasphemy. After Jesus' death, resurrection, and subsequent ascension into heaven, Saul went berserk trying to get rid of Jesus' followers. He oversaw the stoning of Stephen, which made him instrumental in the first recorded Christian martyrdom. However, as he was on the road to Damascus to spread his bigotry and murderous rampage...

Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” 

“Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked. 

“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.” 

The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.  

In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, “Ananias!”  

“Yes, Lord,” he answered. 

The Lord told him, “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight.”  

“Lord,” Ananias answered, “I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your holy people in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name.”  

But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.”  

Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength.  

Acts 9: 1-19

Saul went on to become Paul, and God used him powerfully to spread the gospel throughout the greater Mediterranean region, possibly even reaching as far as Spain. Paul's life was turned around while he was on the warpath of bigotry.

It occurs to me that if there was hope for Paul, who was not only yelling hateful slogans, but actively trying to bring the subjects of his wrath to "justice" (see: execution), there is hope for Fred Phelps and his band of people in need of a savior. Both Saul and Phelps honestly thought that they were serving God by spreading their hatred, and both were wrong. Saul did a 180 and turned his life around, repenting of his sin and dedicating the rest of his life to making a positive difference in the world. Will Westboro? I hope and pray they do before it's too late and they find themselves standing before God's throne of judgment, only to find that what they thought was a service to God was in fact counterproductive and sinful. If they don't repent, I fear they will hear God tell them, "Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me" (Matthew 25:41-43).

Idioms that Make No Sense

English is a weird language. We say some of the strangest things that make sense to some and are complete lunacy to others.

Cases in point:

Look at you!

What it means: "I'm impressed with you!" (I could be impressed with what you're wearing, how you did your hair, your makeup, something cool that you did or made, etc.)

What I think when I hear it: "Can I use a mirror? I can't exactly see myself, unless you're OK with me just looking at myself from the shoulders down."

I feel you.

What it means: "I understand and can identify with what you are saying."

What I think: "Get away from me!"

I hear you.

What it means: "I understand and can identify with what you are saying."

What I think: "Well, that's a relief! I was worried you had hearing problems."

I know, right?

What it means: "I completely agree with what you just said, and I wish more people understood that."

What I think: "No, you're wrong. You don't know."

LOL

What it means: "Laughing Out Loud", or more accurately, "I find this amusing to some degree, and I may or may not be making any noise at all."

What I think:


Misuse of "literally"

For example: "I literally died."

What they mean: "I was very impressed/appalled/starstruck/had some other strong emotion"

What I think: "Literally? If you literally died, and you're talking to me now, you must have resurrected. It's a miracle!"

The Centurion's Faith

This morning's Sunday school lesson, from Luke 7...


A lot had happened in Israel since the days of the Kings in the Old Testament. Israel and Judah were both taken into captivity, and Judah was eventually allowed to return to their land. But it was never the same. By the time Jesus was born, Judea was a province of the Empire of Rome. The emperor Caesar ruled Rome, and he appointed governors to the provinces. The Roman army had generals called centurions. They were called that because they each commanded centuries of 100 soldiers. (In this case, a century is a group of soldiers, not a group of years.)

Le Centurion (The Centurion),

By French painter Jacques Tissot

Painted between 1886 and 1894

Brooklyn Museum

After Jesus was rejected in Nazareth, He traveled around the area, teaching and healing. During this time, He picked twelve men to teach and become His disciples: Simon Peter, Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon the Zealot, Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot.

Peter lived in Capernaum, and Jesus liked to hang out there a lot. Most of the people in Capernaum were Jews, but there were also people from other cultures who lived there, such as an important Roman centurion. Roman soldiers weren’t very nice to the Jews, and they made them pay taxes. In fact, John the Baptist had to tell the soldiers not to take more in taxes than they were required to take. The Jews hated most centurions, but this one was different. He actually cared for the people in the town, and he even built a synagogue for them! That’s pretty amazing since he probably worshipped Jupiter and the rest of the Roman gods at first. He was also unusual because he cared for his servants. He had a very important servant who was very sick, so sick in fact that he was getting close to dying. The centurion heard that Jesus had come to town, and he sent some Jewish elders to Jesus to ask Him to come quickly to help his servant.  When they found Jesus, they didn’t just ask Him to come…they begged Him! They told Him about how this guy had done so much for them, and he really cared. This was not just any Roman centurion.

Jesus followed them, but before He got to the house, the centurion sent some messengers to say, “Don’t bother coming. I sent others because I wasn’t worthy to come to You myself, and I’m not worthy for You to come to my house. But I know that You are very powerful. You can just say the word, and poof! My servant will be well. I am under authority myself, and I have authority over my soldiers and servants. I tell them ‘Come!’ or ‘Go!’ or ‘Do this!’, and they obey me.” The centurion understood that Jesus had authority that he didn’t have. No matter how much he ordered his servant to get better, it would be impossible. But Jesus had authority over the sickness, and He could command it to leave.

When the messengers passed on the word, Jesus stopped. He was amazed. This guy wasn’t even a Jew! He said, “Wow! I haven’t seen this much faith in all of Israel!”

When the messengers got back to the centurion’s house, they discovered that the servant, who had almost died, was well!

The Finish Line

I wrote this poem back in January of 2005 in memory of our former pastor Brad Smith, who died rather suddenly from a stroke, but I thought in light of the tragedy today at the Boston Marathon, it was appropriate.

This poem makes reference to 2 Timothy 4:7-8, 1 Corinthians 9:24, Philippians 3:14 and John 14.

~~~

With a firm conviction and a strong faith
He ran the race
With all his heart, he encouraged and challenged many
To press on in the race of life
And to follow God earnestly

With a tender and steadfast love,
He was a wonderful husband to his wife,
A superb father to his children,
And a caring shepherd to his flocks.

A godly man,
He challenged us to remain in God's vine
And to pursue Him whole-heartedly
A humble yet goofy man,
He endured pie in the face and the dunking machine
And he made no secret of his disdain for lima beans.

He ran the race so as to gain the prize
And he guided many along the way
He lived his life in service to God
And sooner than anyone expected,
He triumphantly crossed the finish line.

In one stroke in time,
He finished the course
He has gained the prize
For which God called him heavenward
And in white robes and a glittering crown,
He bows before the Master.

He broke the ribbon on the finish line,
A ribbon we all must break some day
May we learn from the way he ran the race
To fix our eyes firmly on our Savior
And in His power, in His time,
We will triumphantly cross the line
And run straight into the loving arms of God.

Jesus Rejected in Nazareth

This morning's Sunday school lesson:


Jesus was very young when He moved from Egypt back to Israel with His parents. In the years that followed, Mary and Joseph had other children, and the growing family lived in Nazareth. Joseph was a carpenter, and he taught his trade to Jesus.

When Jesus grew up, He was baptized, and then He wandered for 40 days without eating, just praying and wandering. Near the end of this time, Satan noticed that Jesus was really super hungry and decided it was time for some mischief. He told Jesus, “If you’re really God’s Son, turn this rock into bread!” But Jesus quoted scripture: “Man does not live by bread alone.” Then Satan took Jesus to a high place and showed Him all the riches and kingdoms of the world. He said, “If you worship me, I’ll give you all this.” But Jesus quoted scripture again: “Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only!” This time, Satan decided two could play at this quoting-scripture thing. He took Jesus to the roof of the temple and said, “OK, then. If You’re really God’s Son, jump off! Scripture says that ‘He will command His angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” But once again, Jesus quoted scripture: “Scram! It also says, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test!’” So Satan left.

The Holy Spirit had come on Jesus when He was baptized, and He was still there after Jesus was done being tempted. He traveled throughout Galilee teaching in the synagogues (Jewish churches), and people started talking. Word was getting around that there was a great teacher who was helping people to understand what the scripture said. Word got back to Nazareth, and one day, Jesus decided to go home. That Saturday, He got up in church and read the words of Isaiah:

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.

Then He rolled up the scroll and sat down. Everyone was watching Him, so He kept talking. “Today, that scripture has been fulfilled!” The townspeople were surprised by what He said, and they wondered, “Wait a minute… Isn’t this Joseph’s boy?” They were impressed!

Jesus went on, “You’re probably going to say, ‘Doctor, heal yourself! Do here in your hometown what we’ve been hearing about you doing in Capernaum! But no. Prophets aren’t accepted in their hometowns. Remember what you learned about Elijah? There was a famine for three and a half years, and Israel had lots of widows. But God didn’t send Elijah to any of them. He sent him to a widow in the town of Zerephath, which wasn’t even in Israel. Then later, lots of people in Israel had leprosy, but God didn’t send the prophet Elisha to any of them. He sent the Syrian general Naaman to Elisha to be healed.”

This really got the Nazarenes steamed. “What do you mean? You won’t save us? You’ll save foreigners instead?!” But they missed the point. Jesus wanted to do miracles in Nazareth, but the people didn’t understand what the widow in Zerephath and Naaman understood. You have to believe. Those two foreigners from so many years earlier believed in God. Their lives were changed because they believed God could heal them. The Israelites in Jesus’ time thought the Messiah would only be for the Jews. But Jesus was saying that the Messiah was for everyone! They didn’t want to share their Messiah with anyone else.

Nazareth was built at the top of a hill. The Nazarenes were so furious with Jesus that they got up and chased Him out of the synagogue, out of town, and to the edge of a cliff so they could throw Him off! But when they got there, Jesus walked through the crowd and left. If the Nazarenes weren’t gonna listen, maybe people from other towns would.

Jesus' Baptism

Today's Sunday school lesson, from Luke 1-3 (with bits of Matthew thrown in)...


The big day came! Mary and Joseph had gone on a difficult journey with a donkey and their supplies to Bethlehem for a census, only to find no place available to stay. So they found a stable, and their bouncing baby was born. It was a big deal. On a tip from some angels, a group of shepherds visited them. Pretty soon, people started leaving after the census, and Mary and Joseph were able to find a house to raise their new son Jesus. A couple years later, some rich wise men came and brought expensive gifts. But on their way, they stopped by the palace in Jerusalem and talked to King Herod. Herod wasn’t too happy about this new King of the Jews, and he secretly plotted to kill Jesus. But an angel warned Joseph about it in a dream, and the family got up and fled to Africa. Maybe you know the country in Africa where they went? It’s called Egypt. They lived in Egypt until Herod died and it was safe to go back home. So after returning from Egypt, Jesus grew up in Joseph’s hometown of Nazareth. Many years passed, and Jesus turned 30.

Back up a little more than 30 years.

Mary was pregnant and scared. She went to her cousin Elizabeth’s house for a while because she heard that Elizabeth, who was too old to have children, was also pregnant. An angel had appeared to her husband Zechariah and told him they would have a son, and they should name him John. Zechariah didn’t believe the angel at first, so God made him unable to speak, until one day when his neighbors were having a discussion about John’s name, and he wrote on a tablet, “His name is John.” Zechariah prophesied that John would be a prophet, and that he would prepare the way for the promised Messiah that Israel had been awaiting for centuries.

The big day came! Elizabeth gave birth to a son, and they named him John. He was born a few months before Jesus, and when John grew up, he lived in the desert. There wasn’t much to eat there, except maybe some delicious locusts and honey. Yum!!

John became a preacher and prophet, just like his dad had prophesied. He often preached and baptized by the Jordan River, and he had an interesting message. He called the people snakes! He told them they needed to change how they acted. They needed to ask God to forgive their sins. They should share their food and their clothes. Tax collectors should only collect as much in taxes as they were required to collect. Soldiers shouldn’t ask for bribes or accuse people falsely. “Oh, and there’s this guy coming. I’m baptizing you with water, but He’ll baptize you with fire and the Holy Spirit.* I’m not even worthy to untie his sandals,” something that slaves normally did. Pretty soon, 30-year-old Jesus came to His cousin John to be baptized. John was a little reluctant at first since he thought Jesus should be the one baptizing him, but Jesus convinced him to do it.

When Jesus came out of the water, something amazing happened. Heaven opened, and the Holy Spirit came down in the form of a dove! A loud voice from heaven boomed, “You are My Son. I love You, and I’m so proud of You!”

Jordan River, near a location where people are often baptized. 

I did not show this picture in class, but it shows a place 

where it's likely this happened.

So that was how Jesus began His ministry. He got baptized by His cousin John, and He showed publicly that He was different from anyone else.

I showed this picture of a shamrock before the lesson, as 

St. Patrick's explanation of the Trinity is the best I've heard.

We serve one God, who has three parts. That's confusing,

even for adults. As St. Patrick explained it, a shamrock

has three leaves, but it is still one shamrock. That's similar

to how the Trinity is three parts: the Father, the Son and the 

Holy Spirit, but only one God. All three parts showed up at 

Jesus' baptism.

* The prophecy about Jesus baptizing them with the Holy Spirit and fire came true 3 years later in the book of Acts.

All pictures are in the public domain, and I got them from Wikimedia Commons.

More Phở with Puns

Inspiration struck again. This is a phởllow-up to Phở with Puns.


"My goodness, what a phở you're making!"
Dorothy figures out the Lion's calling in life

Subaru Phởrester
A car dealership that serves pho while you're waiting

Phởbidden Phởrest
Vietnamese restaurant near Hogwarts

Phởrrest Gump
Run, Phởrrest, run!

Phởrankenstein
There are rumors of monsters coming out of this one.

Galliphở
A restaurant founded by a Time Lord

Water Phởcet
Lots of opportunities to wash your hands

Phở Gondor!
Boromir's favorite Vietnamese restaurant

My Phởciousss!
Gollum insists that this restaurant belongs to him. He would have you believe that they stole it, his phởciousss, and he wantsss it!

Phở He's a Jolly Good Phởllow
They like to sing songs to celebrate their wonderful customers

Bánh mìsérables
They can be a bit starry-eyed, but at the end of the day, their master of the house is amazing. They never have an issue with empty chairs at empty tables (and at the table in the corner, you can see a world reborn). Customers are constantly requesting to stay one day more. Judging from some customers' loyalty, you'd think it's located in a castle on a cloud. Their color scheme is red and black, and they serve Vietnamese sandwiches.

Phởdawan
They teach their customers to be Jedi Knights

Skyphở
In which we learn about where James Bond grew up

Bánh mì. James Bánh mì.
Store #007

Phởnancial Aid
They're expensive, but they offer loans and grants to help you pay for your meal.

Phởd Thai
A restaurant that serves Vietnamese and Thai food

Phởladelphia
The City of Brotherly Soup

Il Phởlo
A restaurant that honors a certain trio of Italian tenors (well, technically two tenors and a baritone)

Quantum Phởsics
Their specialty is Schrödinger's Bánh mì, a sandwich made while standing on a sturdy box containing a cat that is alive and dead


Feel free to comment with more suggestions, though as always, keep it clean. Also, check back as I may be adding more.

Samson

This week's Sunday school lesson, from Judges 13-16...

God used Gideon to end the Israelites’ worship of Baal, and then to defeat the Midianite army in a very strange way. How often do you hear of an army killing each other after hearing smashing pots, trumpets and shouting? After the victory, Gideon went on to judge Israel for forty years, and they had peace. After he died, his son Abimelech took his place. Then came Tola. Then Jair. Jephthah. Ibzan. Elon. Abdon. Throughout this time, the Israelites kept forgetting God and calling out to Him when they got in trouble. Whenever they called out, God sent them a deliverer. Jephthah in particular won an important victory with God’s help, but he learned too late that it isn’t a good idea to make promises to God without thinking about what might happen when you have to keep them. But that’s another story.

After Judge Abdon’s death, the Israelites turned away from God again, and so He let them be oppressed by the Philistines for 40 years!

During that time, there was a man named Manoah, who wanted a child, but his wife couldn’t have children. One day, an angel appeared to Manoah and his wife and gave them some great news. They were going to have a son! But there was a catch. The boy would be a Nazirite. That meant he would be set apart for God. He wouldn’t be allowed to have a haircut, touch a dead body, or drink alcohol.

So, true to the angel’s word, the couple had a baby boy, and they named him Samson. As he grew, his hair got very long, and God gave him amazing strength. This guy was a rough, tough, macho man, and he tore a lion apart with his bare hands! Later, he found the lion’s dead body and discovered a beehive in it. There was honey, and it looked delicious, so he took some…but in the process, he touched the lion’s body even though God had told him not to touch dead bodies.

Samson fell in love with a Philistine woman. He wanted to marry her, even though God had commanded the Israelites long ago not to marry Philistines or anyone else from the lands they had conquered. At the wedding, he came up with a riddle and offered a big reward for anyone who could answer it:

“Out of the eater, something to eat;

Out of the strong, something sweet.”

When the Philistines couldn’t figure out the answer, they convinced his bride to coax the answer out of him. So she betrayed him, and everyone was mad, and not everyone survived. In fact, her father was so mad at his son-in-law that he gave his daughter to someone else. When Samson found out that his father-in-law had taken away his wife, he got really steamed. So he rounded up 300 foxes and tied their tails together in pairs. He tied a burning torch to each pair of tails and let them run wild in the Philistines’ fields. (Think about it. Foxes are wild, and it’s tough to catch one, let alone 300!) The Philistines were very upset about Samson burning their crops, and they got really mad. The Israelites got scared and took Samson to the Philistines so they could take out their anger on him. But as he got close to the Philistines, God’s strength came on Samson. He took a donkey’s jawbone and used it to defeat 1000 strong men! So he became Israel’s judge and led them for 20 years.

Sometime later, Samson went to Gaza, where he ripped off the doors of the city gate and carried them to the top of a nearby hill. They were heavy! The Philistines could tell he was very strong. About this time, he fell in love with a woman named Delilah, and the Philistines asked her to find out Samson’s secret to being so strong. She tried several times, but he kept coming up with lies about it:

“Tie me up with seven bowstrings, and I’ll get weak.” But when they tried that, he easily snapped the bowstrings off.

After he suggested they tie him up with new ropes, he snapped them like twigs. Maybe if they weave his long hair into fabric? Nope. He broke the loom and pulled the hair fabric apart. Day after day, Delilah nagged and prodded Samson, and she started to wear him down. So he said, “OK, fine. I’ve never had a haircut. Try cutting my hair.” Nothing else had worked, and Samson didn’t think this would work either. But he didn’t know that this was the final straw for God. God had given Samson so many chances, and he had disobeyed so many times, that God had had enough. Samson had the surprise of his life in the morning when the Philistines came in and tied him up, and he wasn’t strong enough to fight back! They poked out his eyes and threw him in prison, where they made him grind grain.

But while he was in prison, his hair started to grow back. One day, the Philistines had a big celebration to honor their false god Dagon. They liked to humiliate prisoners at their parties, and Samson seemed like a really fun idea for entertainment. The blind strongman performed for the Philistines, and they loved it. But then, he asked the servant who was leading him around to place him between the two main pillars of the crowded Philistine temple. Samson knew that he had done some terrible things, but he also knew that God had sent him to deliver Israel from the evil Philistines. So he prayed that God would give him superhuman strength once more. He no longer cared for his own life. Samson stood between the two pillars and put a hand on each one. With all his might, he pushed outward, and he brought the house down. Literally. That day, more Philistines died from the building falling on them than he had killed in his lifetime. Samson himself didn’t live to tell the tale.

Phở with Puns

You know how Phở restaurants tend to use puns in their names? I had some brilliant ideas for some more. In case anyone doesn't know, Phở is a kind of Vietnamese noodle and meat soup. It's pronounced "fuh".

Phở and Games
A combination arcade and restaurant

Phở Tography
A photography studio that also serves pho

Phở Langes
A pho restaurant with a finger theme (They could also serve ladyfingers at Halloween)

Phởraoh
A restaurant that serves Vietnamese and Egyptian food

Phởrantic
An espresso stand that also serves pho

Phởnatic
A pho restaurant dedicated to fandoms everywhere

Phởnetic
Thay spel awl thuh wurds on thare menyoo funetticly. Yoo may take longgur reeding it, but at leest yool say thuh wurds rite. (They spell all the words on their menu phonetically. You may take longer reading it, but at least you'll say the words right.)

Raxacorico-phở-lapatorius
Had to get a Dr. Who reference in there...

Luke, I Am Your Phởther
The Sith branch

The Phởlowship of the Ring
A necessary destination on your quest to destroy the Ring of Power

Phởrengi
Get Quark on it! He would probably make a mean pho! 

Phở Phở Away
Princess Fiona's favorite Vietnamese restaurant. She loves taking Shrek there.

Muphởsa
The restaurant Simba founded right near Pride Rock, in memory of his phởther

Ophởlia
Hamlet's favorite Vietnamese restaurant. Laertes hates it when Hamlet goes there. It drives the restaurant mad.

Harry Phởter
Magic happens here.

Expecto Phởtronum
Protective magic happens here. Your soup takes the form of an animal, but a different animal for each customer.

Ziegfeld's Phởlies
Serving up song and dance and soup

HMS Pinaphở
They never ever make their soup too hot. What, never?! No, never! What, never?! Well, hardly ever.

Phởrates of the Caribbean
Yo ho, yo ho, a phởrate's life for me! The Black Phởrl can't be far off. (OK, that was phở-fetched)

Phởlowship
A great ministry idea for any church who wants to serve pho

Phởndamentals
A pho restaurant that goes back to the basics 

Phởlosophy
Socrates would have loved it!

Phởlanthropy
They donate their proceeds to charity.

Hooked on Phởnics
Worked for me!

Phởlanx
The cafeteria in a Roman army, that serves pho

Phởnix
Located in Arizona. They go out of business from time to time, but they always rise from the ashes.

Phởssil
A revolution in archaeology related to ancient Vietnamese soup

Phởsical Phởtness
They feature a well-rounded combination of healthy soup and a workout facility.

Do Bánh mì Phở So La Ti Do
They have a stage for singing, in addition to offering music lessons and singing about pho. They also serve Vietnamese sandwiches.

Phở, a Noodle Pulling Bread
From the Vietnamese parody of The Sound of Music 

The Phởntom of the Opera
...is there inside my mind!

Phởgetaboutit
A pho restaurant in New York (that was my friend Eddie's idea)

Phở Rensics
A murder mystery restaurant that serves pho (also Eddie's idea)

Just Phở You
Shanel's idea

Anyone else have ideas? Feel free to comment, but please keep it clean. :-)

Gideon

Sunday school lesson from this morning, from Judges 6-7...


God had brought the Israelites through a lot. General Sisera did horrible things to the Israelites, and God sent Barak to defeat him. When Barak got scared, Judge Deborah went with him into battle, and with God’s help, they defeated Sisera’s army. But because Barak didn’t trust God enough, Sisera himself was defeated by a woman named Jael.

After that, there was peace for 40 years.

But then, as Israelites did often, they forgot God again. They did evil things, and God allowed the Midianites to do bad things to them. As soon as the Israelites’ crops were ready to harvest, the Midianites and Amalekites swooped in and stole it all. They stole their crops, livestock, and anything they could find to eat. This kept happening for seven years! Finally, the Israelites were so poor and starving that they cried out to God for help. So God sent them a prophet to remind them that He had brought them out of Egypt and provided for them, but they had decided to worship other gods.

Because the Israelites needed to eat, they had to get creative about where they put their food, to hide it from the invaders. One day, God sent an angel to the farm of a guy named Joash. The Midianites would expect to find lots of wheat to eat on the threshing floor where they separated the good wheat from the chaff, the skin of the wheat that wasn’t good to eat. So Joash’s son Gideon was threshing wheat in their winepress. The angel sat under a nearby oak tree and said to him, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”

Gideon was pretty surprised. He said, “But sir, if that’s true, what happened to all the miracles? I’ve heard all kinds of great things He did for our ancestors when He brought them out of Egypt, but He seems to have abandoned us lately.”

“Go, save Israel from Midian,” said the angel. “I am sending you.”

Gideon wasn’t satisfied. “But, but…how do I do that? My family is the weakest in the tribe of Menasseh, and I’m the weakest in my family! Why call a wimp?”

But the angel said, “Go. I will be with you, and you will defeat the Midianites.”

“OK,” said Gideon, “I need a sign. I’ll go get an offering. Be right back.” He went in and cooked a goat and made some bread, and then brought it out to the angel. He put it on a rock, and the angel touched it. Fire came out of the rock and burned it up! Then the angel disappeared. So Gideon knew it really was an angel that God had sent. He was scared.

Then God told him to do something really scary. God told him to tear down the idols of the false god Baal, then sacrifice his father’s bull on a proper altar, using the idols as wood to burn it.

Gideon obeyed, but he was too scared to do it during the day, so he took ten of his servants, and they did it at night when everyone was asleep. When the neighbors got up the next day, they discovered their idols had been destroyed, and they were furious. They marched over to Joash’s house and demanded to have Gideon so they could kill him! Joash replied, “If Baal is such a powerful god, don’t you think he can deal out his own wrath? He shouldn’t need help killing someone who destroyed his altars.” So they called Gideon Jerub-Baal, which means “Let Baal contend.”

The Midianites were coming! Gideon was learning, and with God’s help, he started building an army to fight them. But he was still scared. He asked God for a sign again. “If You really want me to do this, show me. I’m putting a wool fleece on the threshing floor, and if the fleece is wet with dew and the ground is dry in the morning, I’ll know.” So God did it! Then he said, “OK, don’t be angry, but I need to double check. This time, I’d like you to make the fleece dry and the ground wet with dew.” God did that. So Gideon had no doubt this was what God wanted him to do.

He set out leading his army, but God had another surprise for him. There were too many people for God to show them that this was His plan! So God had Gideon tell everyone who was too scared to go home. 22,000 soldiers left, leaving only 10,000. But that was still too many! So God gave them a really strange test. 10,000 soldiers went down to the river to get a drink. 300 men lapped the water with their hands to their mouths, while everyone else knelt down to drink. The people who knelt down ended up having to go home. So that meant the army only had 300 people left!

God told Gideon to sneak into the Midianite camp during the night. When he did, he overheard two Midianites talking. One of them had just had a dream that a barley loaf had fallen into the Midianite camp and hit the tent so hard that it collapsed! The second person said, “That means that God has given our camp into the hands of Gideon son of Joash!”

Worshiping God, Gideon snuck back up to his camp and laid out his plan. It was the middle of the night at this point. He split the small army into three groups and gave each of them trumpets and empty jars. The three groups surrounded the camp, and at a cue from Gideon, they blew 300 trumpets and smashed 300 clay jars! 300 voices shouted, “A SWORD FOR THE LORD AND FOR GIDEON!” The Midianite army awoke with a start and panicked. They were so scared that they grabbed their swords and started to fight…but in their fear and confusion, they forgot that they were killing each other! The survivors fled, and the Israelites chased them. Gideon called for more men in the area, and the men of the tribe of Ephraim answered. The Israelites defeated Midian that day, but there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that it was God who had won the battle.

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The following pictures are of a threshing floor and the process of threshing, or separating the grain from the stalks and chaff. I printed them to show the class. Click on them to see them larger.

Source: Fletcher, Elizabeth. "Bible Archaeology: The First Farmers: Food in the Ancient World." Bible Archaeology. Web. 17 Feb 2013. http://www.bible-archaeology.info/agriculture.htm

A stone threshing floor surrounded by a low stone wall to contain the grain

Threshing: woman with grain on a threshing floor, Israel, 19th century photograph