Aaron

This is my brother Aaron. We may not be biologically related, but that's beside the point. Although, there are Olsons among my ancestors, and we do look like we could be related, so I've often wondered if we are, distantly. We even have a similar sense of humor.

He was our pastor a few years ago, and of all our pastors, was one of the closest in age to me. After leaving our church, he moved to Texas. I miss him and keep in touch.

Aaron Olson
Steven Sauke
2012
Illustration

Today he sets a new personal record in the age department. I am proud to claim him as a brother, and he is one of the best.

Facebook Cover Art
Steven Sauke
2012
Illustration

Following are more pictures of him. The illustration above was based on one of the below. I am even in one of these pictures! I took these in 2012 and 2013. Since he lives so far away, we haven't been able to get pictures any more recently than that. Someday!

Randy Rusk

My uncle Randy was tragically killed by a drunk driver before I was born. I have heard wonderful things about him, and I wish I could have known him. It sounds like he was an amazing and very talented person. I did this portrait of him a few years ago in his memory. 

My aunt Bonnie, his widow, did a guest blog a few years ago, telling her story, remembering him and her life since losing him. That was the first guest post on this blog.

Randy Rusk
Steven Sauke
Illustration

Darcy

My cousin Darcy is an amazing, talented person. In the years since I did this portrait of her, she also got married and has an amazing son. Those facts have nothing to do with the fact that I did a portrait of her. Did I mention that I'm thankful for my family?

Darcy
Steven Sauke
Illustration

Tim and Annika

I made this portrait as a wedding present for my cousins Tim and Annika a few years ago. They now have two amazing kids! Today Annika advances in years. I'm super thankful for my family.

Tim and Annika
Steven Sauke
Illustration

It was a funeral—or was it?

I wrote this on March 9, 1995 as part of an assignment in high school. It's based on a miracle recorded in 2 Kings 13:20-21:

Elisha died and was buried. 

Now Moabite raiders used to enter the country every spring. Once while some Israelites were burying a man, suddenly they saw a band of raiders; so they threw the man’s body into Elisha’s tomb. When the body touched Elisha’s bones, the man came to life and stood up on his feet.

The dead man, who was thrown in Elisha's tomb,
comes back to life (2 Kings 13:21)
Oil on panel, Jan Nagel, 1596
Frans Hals Museum

It was a funeral
The deceased was lying peacefully
The wails were heard from everywhere
It was a funeral
"My baby, my baby!" cried the mother
The father just wept
It was a funeral
The siblings embraced
The children sobbed
It was a funeral
The tomb was open
The grave prepared
It was a funeral

Then onto the scene came the raiders
The cruel Moabite raiders
Would there be more funerals?
The relatives ran
The body was thrown
Into the tomb of Elisha
Was it a funeral?
The corpse rolled into the bones
The blessed bones of Elisha
The man came to life
He stood on his feet
He jumped for joy
No more a funeral!
He ran out of the tomb
He found his family
Was it a ghost?
No, it was their son!
He was alive!
No need for a funeral!
Praise the Lord!
Elisha's bones had been blessed!
God had brought this young man back to life!
Great was their joy
It was not a funeral
It was a celebration!
It was a feast!
Great is the Lord our God!
Praise His mighty Name!

The Founder of His Freedom

I wrote this poem June 28, 2006 in memory of my Great-Uncle Spencer, my grandpa's youngest brother. We lost him to myelodisplastic syndrome, which is related to leukemia, where the bone marrow stops producing blood cells. He had a bone marrow transplant, which prolonged his life for a while. Having lost him shortly before Independence Day, it occurred to me he was celebrating with many of our Founding Fathers.

He lived in a nation founded on faith
Founded by men with God’s love in their hearts
And God’s freedom in their souls
He watched the fireworks each year
Telling of the freedom they bought
And of the sacrifices they made
That this nation might be free

Now he can enjoy Independence Day
With the founders of our nation’s freedom
What better way to celebrate
Than to feast with the men who signed the Declaration of Independence?

The illness took its toll
While his family watched and prayed
His dependence on the doctors and medicine grew
As God graciously prolonged his life
And the glimmer of freedom from the sickness grew
Until the day God set him free

This is his Independence Day
Forever free from the pain that tormented him
Now he can worship at the feet
Of the great Founder of his freedom

One day he gave his life to God
To the One who bought our freedom
And with His blood signed the ultimate Declaration of Independence from sin and death

Now he can stand alongside
The founders of our nation’s freedom
And bow before the great Founder of our freedom in Christ!
Who needs fireworks
When you can run into the dazzling brilliance
And with our founding fathers
Fall and worship our great Founding Father, the Founder of all our freedom?

Uncle Maynard

I wrote this poem September 28, 2000 in memory of my Great-Uncle Maynard, shortly after we lost him to cancer. A World War 2 veteran, he was honored by the navy at his burial with a 3-gun salute. He was a farmer in Montana for many years. This poem was printed in the program at his memorial.

I also mentioned him, though not by name, in my tribute to his dog Daisy the following year.

A lifetime of farming
A lifetime of joy and pain
A lifetime of gentleness and love
You made it through the Depression
You made it through the War
You made it through Y2K
You lived your life so well
You lived your life a child of God

Well done, Uncle Maynard!
You were an example to your family
An example to your friends
An example to all you met
I can almost hear God saying,
"Well done, My faithful son!"

What a relief to know your pain is gone!
I know you suffered so much
But I'm still sad that you are gone
I miss you, Uncle Maynard
I can't hold back my tears
There's a family here who misses you

But our sadness is tempered with joy
Joy to know we'll see you again
Joy to know you are healed
Joy to know your cancer is gone
Replaced by a dazzling robe
And a crown glittering with the jewels of Heaven

You are at peace
You are home
In the arms of our Great Father
Praising Him forevermore

Unknown

When I visited Normandy, France in 1999, we spent a day going to several beaches where the Allied Forces landed on D-Day, June 6, 1944. That day in 1999 we visited Omaha Beach, Pointe du Hoc and Arromanches. Omaha Beach was featured in Saving Private Ryan (which we would watch a few days later). Pointe du Hoc is at the top of cliffs (pictures at the bottom of this post), and Allied Forces were able to scale the cliffs under the cover of fog and defeat the Germans waiting at the top. There are iconic pictures of the artificial port at Arromanches used for getting heavy equipment off the boats, which is still there.

The American Cemetery at Omaha Beach had row upon row of crosses and Stars of David. It was very solemn, beautiful and moving. For me, the most moving crosses read:

HERE RESTS IN HONORED GLORY

A COMRADE IN ARMS

KNOWN BUT TO GOD

I wrote this poem January 18, 2006 after attending a David Harsh concert where he sang a song on the same subject. It made me think back to my visit to Omaha Beach where I saw these crosses.

Photo by Mika167
CC BY-SA 3.0 license

A white cross stands in a cemetery
In a land far away
A lasting monument to an unknown soldier
Known but to God

What happened to this unknown soldier?
God alone saw him pierced by countless bullets
Tossed by bombs and grenades
Shattered by shrapnel exploding all around

A family waited and worried at home
Counting the days until their daddy
Would step off the airplane
And run into their welcoming embrace

Did they get a knock on the door
And learn that he was MIA?
Did they wait happily on the tarmac
For their daddy, who would never step off the plane?

Did they know a cross would mark
The place where his shattered remains lay?
A beloved husband and daddy
Ever in a land far away

A young wife wondered and prayed
What became of the love of her life?
The children worried and cried
Would they ever see their daddy's beaming face?

A wife never again got to kiss her husband's lips
A son never got to wrestle with his dad
And a daughter never got to dance in her daddy's loving gaze
He wasn't there to see his son graduate
Couldn't give his daughter away

His grandchildren never got to sit on the lap
Of the grandpa they never knew
Hearing stories of long ago
When he was their age

A young man kneels before a white marble cross
Moved to tears by the inscription to the unknown soldier.
Who lies beneath this cross in honored glory?
Could it be the bones of the grandfather he never knew?

The answer is known but to God.

Omaha Beach

Omaha Beach

The cliffs of Pointe du Hoc

Craters at Pointe du Hoc created
by massive cannonballs

Pointe du Hoc

Valentine Vows

March 1941. Ken was a young man in love. He had to been getting to know Marian for some time, and he knew she was the one. He asked and she said yes! He was able to buy a ring shortly thereafter in a fire sale at a local jewelry store. Plans for the happy event began. Unfortunately, as someone once said (and even sang), "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." 

April 1941. Plans for the wedding went on hold, as the draft caused upheaval and found him suddenly sent by train to Louisiana for boot camp. It was a lonely time, as the people he met were nothing like the people he had known back home in North Dakota. He clung to his faith and exchanged letters with Marian and family back home. In July of that year, he got word that his brother Melvin and Marian's sister Pearl were planning a wedding. Loneliness intensified. (Melvin would also go on to fight in the war.)

December 7, 1941 was, as President Franklin D. Roosevelt put it, "a date which will live in infamy." Japanese forces bombed Pearl Harbor, killing thousands, sinking ships, and throwing the US into the War. Ken's upcoming furlough was put on hold as they were taken by train through Texas to San Francisco, on to Pendleton, Oregon, and then to Boise, Idaho. It was during this time that he got a phone call from his beloved Marian. She had the chance to take the train to Boise! He was able to arrange with his superior officers to get leave to find her in town and help her find a hotel when she arrived in early February 1942. The happy couple spent time together when he was permitted to do so by his very accommodating superiors. Ken and Marian bought a wedding ring on Thursday, and got their marriage license at the courthouse on Friday. They had passed a Baptist church advertising a Wednesday prayer meeting, and the pastor's name and phone number were on the sign board out front. Ken and Marian crowded into a telephone booth and called the pastor. When they asked him if he could perform the ceremony, the pastor asked...

"When?"
"Now."
"Do you have a marriage license?"
"Yes, we do."
"Do you have witnesses?"

They hadn't thought about that. The pastor invited them to his house to discuss. They would need at least two witnesses. The pastor's wife would be able to be one, and as they were brainstorming who could be the second witness, the pastor's wife commented that new neighbors had just moved in across the street, and she could go meet them and find out if they would be willing to do them a favor. The only people at the ceremony who knew each other were the pastor and his wife, and Ken and Marian. The neighbor who came over met everyone there for the first time. 

It was Saturday, February 14, 1942. Valentine's Day.

That act of kindness to strangers began a long and happy marriage, though it would be a while before they would be able to spend much time together. They stayed together as long as they could until Ken's unit was sent back to California to catch the ship across the Pacific. Marian took the train back home, and Ken would go on to serve in New Caledonia, a small island off the eastern Australian coast. He would later be transferred to Europe, where he was part of the victory parade through Paris on V-E Day.

Sometime after his return to North Dakota, they had their first child. Four more children followed. Between 1973 and 1993, they welcomed seven grandchildren (the fourth being me). 1999 started a new era, as he dedicated his first great-grandson. Seven more great-grandchildren have followed in the years since.

Find someone who looks at you the way my
grandparents looked at each other in 1985.

They were happily married for 47 years.

The morning of November 7, 1989, Philippine time, my parents came in my room. Usually it was just my mom who came to wake me up, but I knew something was up when my dad was with her. They told me they had gotten a call the previous evening that Grandma and Grandpa had been together praying. When Grandpa was done, he waited for Grandma to take her turn, and she was silent. He looked up to discover she was too busy rejoicing at the feet of Jesus.

The afternoon of May 9, 2015, our family was gathered around his bed. He was moaning in pain. We each said our good byes. I asked him to give Grandma a big hug for me. My cousin Annika told him that she loved him, and he replied, "I love you." It was the last intelligible thing he said. My mom's cousin Nola arrived and he opened his eyes and acknowledged her. My mom was holding his hand and it went limp. Annika, a nurse, felt for a pulse and found none. My mom said, "He's singing with the angels." He was four months short of 100 years old.

I don't know how my grandparents' reunion went, but I imagine them running into each other's arms on the golden streets and dancing for joy, along with their son Robert, who was killed in a traffic accident in 1979. They weren't much for dancing in this life, but I picture them dancing arm in arm in heaven.

Perhaps they were joined in the reunion by a man whose name I don't even know, but whose kindness in performing a wedding ceremony at his house in Boise, Idaho for two strangers changed the course of their lives and paved the way for a long and happy relationship. A pastor who heeded the sage advice by the author of Hebrews (13:2), "Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!"

Walking with Grandpa

I wrote this poem in November 2005 in honor of my grandpa's 90th birthday a couple months earlier. As we lost him nearly ten years later, I added a verse today, and also changed the fourth verse from the present tense to the past tense.

Early 80s

Grandpa was a prolific walker. He walked daily, and it was partly due to that practice that he lived so long, nearly making it to 100 (only four months short of it). He challenged us to do the same, and he typed up his walking philosophy for us. I have been working on doing that more lately.

Grandpa's Walking Philosophy

Some of my best memories of Grandpa were walking and running with him. When they visited us in the Philippines in the early 80s, he and I walked from our house to our school. It wasn't all that far, but it was a fair distance, part of that uphill. It's one of my earliest memories. A few years later, we were back in the US and he, my dad, my brother and I went to see the Seattle Sonics play the Golden State Warriors in Seattle. During the game it started pouring, and when it got out, we had to run through it to the car! We were soaked to the bone. In 1994, we went as a family to Hong Kong to teach English to students preparing for a major exam. When we were all together walking through the streets of Kowloon, the rest of us practically had to run to keep up with him, as he was a very fast walker!

He was a World War 2 veteran, and he raised a family of five children on a very tight budget. He pastored at multiple churches, and his legacy lives on around the world. He was my hero.

On we walked
My grandpa and me
Under the brilliant Philippine sun
We were walking to school
An excited little boy and his loving grandfather

On we ran
My grandpa, dad, brother and me
Under an unusually strong Seattle rain
Down the sidewalk from the basketball arena
We piled into the car, soaked.

On Grandpa walked
As we tried to keep up
Through the busy streets of Hong Kong
Grandpa at his normal walking pace
And us younger folks nearly running

On Grandpa walked
Around the block, around the mall, and through life
Leading the way, shining his light
A brilliant example of a life well lived
For his children and for God

On Grandpa dances
On the brilliant streets of gold
In the arms of his beautiful bride and his glorious Savior
His race has been run and he has heard "Well done!"
A hero for the ages

Christmas 2014
Grandpa's 100th and last Christmas
He would graduate to heaven the following May

My college graduation, 2000

Five Years

This past Wednesday I posted about doing a word of the year rather than New Years resolutions. My words for 2023 are Beginnings and Sunrise. This was my word for 2018:

I posted that picture 5 years ago when my job, originally slated to last 3-4 weeks, changed from contract to permanent. The contract position began in April of 2017, and my first day of being an official employee of Wireless Advocates was January 8, 2018. It was an incredible experience, and there were tears of joy. One thing that meant a lot to me was when my manager informed me that it was a "no brainer" to convert me from contract to permanent. As a contractor, I set records in order processing, both personal and in our department. I continued that in my new permanent role.

The past five years have been amazing and challenging. I could not have asked for a more incredible, cohesive team, and my manager has led it masterfully. We are like family. I have grown professionally and as a person, and have shrunk in weight. (😀) I sometimes felt my manager believed in me more than I believed in myself, and she has never failed to be a massive encouragement any time I was second guessing myself (and other times). This job has taught me so much. We have been through a lot as a team. I found out I have ADHD, which was a big help in understanding and working with challenges that I've faced over the years. A coworker lost his mother to cancer. My manager has lost several relatives, and gained a grandson and a little sister. I have learned that our nation hasn't come anywhere near as far as I previously thought in ending racism, considering the horrifying discrimination and loss my manager and other coworkers have faced. I lost my dad shortly after my manager lost hers. My car was totaled in an accident. I love that I've been here long enough to be amazed how fast my manager's children are growing, and to cheer them on as well. I got to hang out with coworkers after work. The job has been challenging and incredibly rewarding. The tough times and the good times have brought us closer. One time, the TARDIS even landed on the roof of our building! (Well, technically, it was an Instagram filter, but close enough.) 😀

Working with managers and salespeople around the country, I have learned from more than just our immediate team. We supported them, and it was awesome talking to some of them when they visited our national headquarters. Over the past month, one former District Manager in particular has been an incredible encouragement and cheerleader to everyone in the company on LinkedIn, posting inspirational messages daily.

When COVID hit, we transitioned to working from home, and the transition was surprisingly smooth. Our management and team have met virtually on a regular basis, and we have remained as cohesive as ever. We have even to been able to meet in person on occasion. As difficult as COVID has been, I have been thankful to be working from home now, as my parents have been needing more assistance, and I've been more available for them, while still being able to do my job and even work overtime.

The news last month that our company is no more was difficult for everyone. It was tough enough for us at national headquarters, and we got 2 months notice. I feel for my colleagues around the country who had no warning, and kiosks closed suddenly. That has happened to me once before, and it was not fun. However, on the flip side, it has been exciting watching on LinkedIn and other social media as managers and associates around the country have rallied around each other, encouraging each other, supporting each other. I'm so glad to see when colleagues have posted that they are starting new jobs.

With just under a month to go for those of us at national headquarters, our job searches are continuing apace. I'm excited to see where everyone will end up.

I have been with Wireless Advocates officially for five years now (about 5¾ if you count my time as a contractor). I'm thankful that I was able to make it to 5 years, and I wouldn't trade this time for anything. I'm looking forward to the next phase.

Following are some of the most amazing people I've ever had the honor of working with:

My amazing manager with her
well-deserved Employee of the Year
Award in 2018

Possibly one of my favorite pictures
that I've ever taken!

Dear Steven Sauke

Dear Steven Sauke,

Today is going to be a good day, and here's why.

I went to see Dear Evan Hansen this past Friday on its national tour. It really got me thinking about how I treat the people around me. While I endeavor not to resort to bully tactics like Connor, my integrity is far too important to me to lie like Evan or betray confidences like Alana, and I hope I don't put conditions on helping others (or encourage dishonest behavior, or neglect to keep my mind out of the gutter) like Jared, I can see myself in several of the characters.

I remember my first day in 8th grade, at a new school in a new country, standing in a hall full of strangers hugging each other and greeting each other excitedly after a summer of missing each other. It was like I was "waving through a window," too scared and shy to talk to others. But I made friends that year. Some of them are still friends today. People teased me about my old-fashioned clothes (stripes were out of fashion, but I was not to know that, having recently returned from the Philippines). Classmates teased me about not knowing common American phrases like "The King is dead." (I only found out at the end of the year they were referring to Elvis and not Jesus.) A classmate wrote on my jacket in pencil, and when I tried to erase it, it wouldn't erase. I had to get a new jacket. As I progressed through high school, my classmates and I matured, but we were still typical teenagers. (Well, I've never been especially typical, but you know what I mean.)

I think about the way Connor and Evan treated their families. 

Connor's parents and Evan's mother were trying their hardest to raise their children, and kept coming across roadblocks and complications. Connor treated his family so poorly that his sister Zoe couldn't remember one good thing about him, and though his mother Cynthia insisted there were good things, she couldn't name one. Larry Murphy tried to provide for his son and teach him, but he didn't listen or seem to care. Please, let me never inspire my own dad to lament, "I gave you the world, and you threw it away!" 

Heidi Hansen did everything she could to provide for her son, while dealing with her own pain of the divorce ten years earlier, and her ex-husband moving on and starting his own family. She worked at the local hospital and took law classes, and even though she wasn't as available for her son as either of them would have preferred, she still made time for him. But he didn't truly appreciate it. He even lashed out at her when she made time for him, and he kept important things from her in an effort to cover up his lies. She learned major things about her own son on social media. Stuff he never told her.

Larry, Cynthia and Heidi all made sacrifices for their children, and they still felt like failures at times. That's part of being human. I don't consciously lie to people, but how many times have I withheld details that would have been important to someone who loves me and wants to help?

I guard my integrity jealously. It is one of my most deeply-held values. But, as with anyone else, it can always use improvement. Too often I take my family's love and sacrifices for granted, and I don't show the appreciation they deserve. At my current job in customer care, we have to deal with the fallout of salespeople's overpromises at times. How many times have I made a promise in other areas of life, and either come up short or forgotten to follow through? How can I learn from those experiences?

My family and friends are precious to me. I love them dearly. But sometimes I come up short and need "a little reinvention" (but in a more honest manner than the context of that quote in the musical). How can I reinvent myself rather than the facts? I'm thankful I have God and respected relatives and friends to help me with that!

The Connor Project was an amazing, important idea. We need more projects like that to remember people who were forgotten, to reach out to people who feel invisible and unloved. We need to remind them that they will be found. They are loved deeply. They are valuable. But we can't found these initiatives on lies. Good may come of it, but the guilt and torture lies can unleash is harmful.

As for the performance, set, and technical details, I thought it was amazing. The things they did with lighting, the way they showed texts, essays, Facebook posts, YouTube videos, e-mails, and more, was incredible. With all the social media going on onstage, I didn't even realize until the end of the show that there were only eight people in the cast! Noah Kieserman was fantastic as Evan, and I would have never guessed he was an understudy. Particularly since it was his face in the videos onscreen replaying his speech. (It was clearly not filmed live, as there's a curtain behind him in the videos, but not when he's giving the speech.) They must have videoed all the actors and understudies doing that scene in front of a school auditorium curtain. Everyone - cast, crew and orchestra - nailed their parts. The orchestra was on a balcony above the stage, and there were seats for audience in the orchestra pit. As is evident from my thoughts above, I came away thinking about how I can be a better, more appreciative person. So much in the show is relatable.

I have the most amazing parents and brother I could possibly imagine. I have several close friends that I consider siblings. I also have a lot of amazing friends that I don't consider siblings, but still love and respect deeply. How can I express more how much I truly love and appreciate them? I have been so blessed with such an amazing family, incredible friends, awesome coworkers (who are also friends), and so much more. May I never neglect to remind them how loved, respected and valued they are.

"Even when the dark comes crashing through

When you need a friend to carry you

And when you're broken on the ground

You will be found."

Sincerely,

Me

Graphic at the top generated from https://dearevanhansen.com/newyears/

My Testimonial

We had our last Biggest Loser finale at my gym tonight. Since Vision Quest was recently bought out by LA Fitness, they have sadly chosen to close down four branches of VQ that have an LA Fitness within a few blocks. This marks the end of an era, but a journey that I am not giving up any time soon. I was listening to testimonials tonight and wishing that I had written one to share. After I got home, I realized I can do the next best thing... Blog it!

When I was young, I struggled with my weight, but in retrospect, I don't think it was as bad as I thought it was. I remember one of my classmates in 3rd grade constantly teasing me about being fat (and any other subject he could possibly think of teasing me about). It's possible other peers teased me over the years, but that's the one I remember offhand. In any case, while I otherwise had good self-esteem, I always felt like I weighed more than I should.

My high school senior picture, 1996

Looking at this picture now, I have no idea where I got the idea that I was overweight, as I wish I weighed that little (and I'm working on it)! After graduating from high school, I attended Edmonds Community College for two years. My first quarter, I took a weight training class, and I determined that from then on, I would work out faithfully. My second quarter, I didn't take that class, but still resolved to work out every day. It didn't happen. So from then on, I resolved to take the class every quarter to force myself to work out. It worked wonderfully, and after two years, I looked like this:

I felt amazing, and more fit than I ever had. Well, maybe when I was little and had boundless energy, but aside from that...

Then I transferred to Seattle Pacific University. Those were some amazing years, and well worth the exorbitant prices they charged. But one drawback is that their cafeteria has amazingly delicious food. After two years at SPU, I had gained the weight back, and then some. In the years that have followed, I have seen my weight increase more and more. My parents tried several times over the years to talk to me about it, but it has always been a touchy subject for me. I know they meant well, and I could tell they did it because they cared and wanted me to stick around for many years to come. But somehow it unintentionally triggered a rebellious side in me. I didn't tell them that I was just as worried as they were (well, probably not AS worried, but I was more worried than I let on). Food and I have always had a wonderful loving relationship, and not having the motivation of a grade, or even access to a weight room, I didn't get much exercise aside from walking with my parents once in a while.

Two events really got to me, though. An aunt sent me a card, and inside was a typed letter warning me about the dangers of diabetes and other serious consequences of being overweight. She told me she wished she had heeded the warnings sooner, as she had struggled with it, and had recently been diagnosed with diabetes. Another time, an uncle visited from California, and one night he and I sat down in the living room and had a conversation about weight. He told me about one time when he worked in a morgue and had to prepare the body of a friend who had died from being overweight. It was one of the hardest things he had ever done. Neither the aunt nor the uncle in question had ever confronted me about anything before (that I can remember).

With my friend Bob Smiley in 2010

With my cousin Darcy in 2012

My weight was getting more and more of a serious issue. I remember once I hoped I would never get above 200 pounds. I got way over that. I don't think I ever reached 300, but I got too close for comfort.

Then in 2011, I went back to Edmonds Community College for further studies. EdCC has amazing effects on my weight. I really should go there more often. Anyway, I was studying Visual Communications, which include graphic design, photography, video and the like. My final quarter, at the beginning of 2013, I did an internship with Steve Sosa, one of my teachers. He taught me a lot about creativity and design, and I wanted to do my internship with him as he always brought out the creative side in me. In that internship, I worked with my friend Shanel, who I had had some classes with, and it was then that I met her boyfriend Tyler. I knew who he was before that, but I didn't really get to know him until then. He worked at a local gym called Vision Quest, and he was constantly passing out cards with special deals for joining the gym. The thing that really got me was, not only did I want to support a friend, but he never once talked to me directly about it. In the past, people who have confronted me about my weight (either because they cared or because they felt like making fun of me) tended to make me put up my defenses and resist. The fact that Tyler never mentioned it to me (though I heard him talking to others about the gym) was what sold me. In addition, I like to support my friends. So I asked him about it, and he gave me a coupon, which I was to present when I went in.

So at the end of January 2013, I went to Vision Quest in Edmonds, WA to check it out. I sat down with Tyler, who was on duty at the time, and we discussed my goals and how we could work on this problem. He paired me up with Mara, one of the trainers, and the two of them alternated training me. My membership came with one free training session a month, which Tyler did, and other training sessions were with Mara. I joined Mara's team, called the Savages.

Vision Quest has a Biggest Loser program, which they do three times a year. Shortly after I joined the gym, they had the finale for that Biggest Loser session, and Mara practically dragged me into the aerobics room where they had the final weigh-in, testimonials, and other festivities. One testimonial that really got to me was from Erin, who shared that people had teased her mercilessly about being overweight. It got so bad that she had very nearly committed suicide. She had joined the gym and lost a lot of weight and now felt much healthier. The support system is amazing there, and she had made friends who appreciated her for who she was and who she was becoming. One thing that really got me was that her "before" picture didn't look fat to me. Maybe it was because I was comparing it to my weight at the time. She did look much healthier than the "before" picture, though. Another person that got to me was the winner of that Biggest Loser challenge, Kathy. She had lost 100 pounds, and the difference was striking. Erin and Kathy (and many others) have both been great support and inspiration since then on the journey we've all been on.

Tyler was a great help, as he trained me as much as he could. However, he mentioned that Mara was more qualified and should be my main trainer. He still did my monthly free training sessions, though. But all good things must come to an end, and Tyler eventually decided to move on. He and Shanel later moved to San Francisco so that Shanel could pursue further classes in design.

With Tyler at their farewell

Picture by Ton Sridi, used with permission

Encouraged by Tyler, Mara, and several others, I participated in the next Biggest Loser, starting in May 2013. In that competition, I placed third, losing 33 pounds! Shortly before the end of the competition, I participated in an 18K walk. As it turned out, that was too much for me at that point, but my teammate and friend Johanna (alternately called Mama Jo and Jo Mama), who also participated in it, mentioned me in her testimonial at the end of the competition. She said that the fact that I had done it was an inspiration. I was partly flattered and partly challenged to press on with the journey.

Between that Biggest Loser and the next one, I lost more weight. The following Biggest Loser, I again placed high on the list, losing 18 pounds. Everyone at the gym was a major encouragement to me. We cheered each other on, and in many ways, we became like a big family. While Biggest Loser is a competition, we were all working together. The competition helped to motivate me to keep fighting, and the inspiration from friends helped even more. Mara was one of my biggest cheerleaders. She did some amazing things to help motivate me to work harder, but she also cared about more than just working out. She showed interest in my design skills. I did a redesign of the Savages logo, which she proudly showed off:

Savage

© Steven Sauke, 2013

But Vision Quest was bought out by LA Fitness. The new company promised not to make any major changes for 90 days, but during that time, we lost several of our amazing trainers, including Mara. I was sad to see her go, but I had to roll with the punches. (That may have been somewhat literal had I chosen to train with Eli, another trainer who enjoyed boxing with his clients.) :-) So by this time, I had gotten to know several of the trainers. I had come to respect Gareth, who I could tell was an excellent trainer. Several of his clients had scored near or at the top in previous Biggest Loser programs. Gareth turned out to be a great choice, as we lost more and more trainers, but not him. He has been a fun and challenging trainer, and he has stuck it out through everything. Now, not only do I have my former Savages to root for, but Gareth's G$ (pronounced "G Money") team has been a great team. Some of the Savages joined Team Panda, another of the awesome teams, so they've been an amazing support as well. Chris, who has been director the past few months in addition to training Team Panda, has done a great job of helping all the teams to get to know each other and strengthen our bonds of friendship and rooting for each other.

Mara in particular, but also Gareth, have worked with me as well in the area of food intake. One thing I have appreciated about Vision Quest is that they help not only with the workout aspect, but also with the intake and helping to address other factors that lead to weight gain. While I'm still a big fan of food, I'm much more careful than I used to be with how much I eat.

On April 17, 2014, LA Fitness announced that four branches of Vision Quest were closing: Edmonds, Everett, Kent and Tacoma. The remaining six branches would stay open but rebrand as LA Fitness. The closing branches all have an LA Fitness within a few blocks. While I understand LA Fitness' reasoning, it has come as a bit of a blow to all of us who enjoy the "small gym" family feel. In some ways, it's like a loss in the family. Now we all need to figure out what to do next. When I go to a new gym, will I get a trainer I know? I know some of the trainers are transferring to the nearby Lynnwood LA Fitness. How will the much larger gym, which is part of an international chain, compare to the support group I have at my small local gym? I don't know what is to come, though I have no intention of stopping, or even slowing down now that I've come this far.

Tonight we had our final Biggest Loser finale. Since the beginning of this competition, my final weigh-in revealed a loss of 14.6 pounds. 

All told, as of tonight, I have lost 74 pounds so far.

Me on St. Patrick's Day 2014

I've lost a few pounds since then, but this is pretty close to how I look now.

Tyler, Mara, Gareth, Chris, Eli, Erin, Kathy, Jo Mama and so many more people, you are my heroes. Thank you for your constant encouragement and friendship. You have no idea how much it means to me. I imagine I'd still be around right now if it weren't for this journey, but I am quite certain that you have helped lengthen my life considerably. I'll probably never know by how much.

Also, thanks to all my other (biological) family and (not biological) friends who have rooted for me, prayed for me, encouraged me, and done so much more over the years.