Musical Clickbait

I am not a fan of clickbait. Sometimes you have to find humor in these things. Here are a few musicals explained with clickbait...

Expectant mother drinks green potion. What happens next will blow your mind!

Aspiring Knight dreams an impossible dream. You won't believe what he thinks he can fight with a sword and a shaving basin he thinks is a helmet! My countenance is WOEFUL!

BAT CHILD FOUND IN CAVE (Oh wait...)

Barber uses this simple trick to REVOLUTIONIZE the neighboring meat pie business!

He tries to separate his good and evil natures. The result? I'm SHOCKED!!

Starved orphan sold to a funeral home after he asks for more food. You won't believe what happens after he escapes!

She meets him at an earthquake benefit concert. Their romance inspires a nation and disgusts an Argentine-Cuban Marxist revolutionary. See how the money rolls in and out. I'm CRYING for her!

Determined police officer doggedly pursues thief across two decades. What happens when they meet will SHOCK you!

Dragon prepares to bake her famous savory donkey pot pie. I'm TREMBLING! Flattery really does save lives!

[clickbait headline of show]

Voyage ends in tragedy as frozen dihydrogen monoxide sinks ship! AVOID DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE!!!

Dreams come true! Disgraced Egyptian slave saves nation. You won't believe who else he saves!

He secretly slips some acrimonium in her drink. Boy oh boy, that full disclosure is strange!

How far will a younger brother go to ensure that his sister continues to torture him? I'm SHOCKED!!

Bohemian beauty steals the hearts of a hypocritical priest, an engaged archer, and a deaf one-eyed lame bellringer. I'm IN TEARS!!

Bookish oddball falls in love with horned creature. You'll be SHOCKED what happens when she declares her love!

This girl lost her parents and her ayah in a cholera epidemic in India and is being shipped back to Yorkshire to live with her widowed and grieving uncle. Her cousin has been bedridden ALL HIS LIFE and lives in fear of becoming a hunchback. 1 Like = 1 Prayer

Lord Farquaad's heritage called into question. Spread this ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE!

Boy under the control of an evil supercomputer uses this simple trick to break out!

He dreamed of soaring like an eagle on the big screen in Bollywood. What happened on the journey home will shock you!

SCANDAL!! Apprentice blames rash of DEATHS on one of the plants in his shop!

New Chairman of the Board credits obscure thrift shop book for his meteoric rise to the top. Mr. President, watch out! See page 5 for the juicy details of his upcoming wedding to his secretary.

Greek wine god takes servant on quest down the River Styx. You'll CROAK when you find out who he meets on the way and who he brings back!

Martha Stewart HATES him! Aspiring playwright pens a culinary musical.

You WON'T BELIEVE where Conrad Birdie is going next, and you'll be SHOCKED about his one last kiss before he leaves! We're CRYING!

OMG, you guys! If there ever was a perfect couple, THIS ONE qualifies!

SCANDAL!! Jilted bathing beauty MURDERS diva!

You won't believe what this hobbit did with his priceless ring!

Gangster threatens to KILL his girlfriend, a bar singer. You WON'T BELIEVE where the police hide her, or what she does to the place!

What this Greek demigod was accused of stealing will literally SHOCK you!

Forbidden love between an Egyptian prince and a Nubian princess, and we just CAN'T EVEN!!

Have you heard? There's a rumor in St. Petersburg!

Diva breaks silence on upstart managers, being cast out of opera, and the unsuitability of her replacement

Exclusive! Who is the real Christine Daaé? Get all the details from opera insider Carlotta Giudicelli! Prepare to be shocked! Does Ms. Daaé owe her so-called talent to a mysterious "Opera Ghost", or is it just her rich lover, the Opera's new patron?

Escape Adulthood Summit 2017

Today has been a very long day, as it was day 1 of the 2017 Escape Adulthood Summit. This is an annual conference hosted and put on by my friends Kim and Jason Kotecki. Jason is an artist and motivational speaker, and he and his wife Kim have a passion for helping others to become more childlike, realize their potential in life, and follow their dreams and passions. There are so many unwritten (and nonexistent) rules that adults often tend to follow, and they tend to hold us back if taken too far. We let fear, hurt and other things stand in the way of following our dreams. What if people don't like what I have to say? What if? What if? Children don't have many of these inhibitions, and we can learn a lot from them on how to live life.

The day started yesterday evening when I caught the airport shuttle, and then a red eye flight out of Seattle bound for Minneapolis. The Minneapolis airport is quite large, so I got quite the workout walking to my connecting flight to Madison, Wisconsin. Upon arrival in Madison, I was picked up by Dan, a new friend who, like me, showed interest in sharing a hotel room. Since I arrived several hours before the summit was set to start, we drove around Madison. I got to see the Wisconsin Capitol building, which is spectacular, and we stopped at the lake, where I got some pictures. We walked out on a dock, and I commented that the dock rocked! Literally!

We then proceeded to the nearby town of Poynette, where the conference is being held. Still early, we drove around the area and saw some buffalos grazing, and we passed a pleasant farm. We then went to the conference location, but they weren't ready to let us in yet, so Kim sent us on an errand to get some whimsical flowers and come back closer to the starting time. We found a nearby country store that advertised selling asparagus and flowers.

Once we explained what we needed, the helpful lady who owned the shop proceeded to arrange a bouquet. Once we had paid for it, they invited us to sit down and chat. Country life is slower and friendlier than I'm used to in Seattle. The lady who helped us was at the table with a couple elderly women, and they asked what we did, and told us a bit about themselves. One of the older women told us about how her husband was a pilot and flew a two-seater aircraft. They flew that plane up and down the coast, around the US, and then proceeded to fly around the world, mainly stopping to refuel and rest. She mentioned stopping in Adelaide, Australia, where they have opal mines. She was wearing an opal ring that they got there. They had a landing strip on their farm in Wisconsin, and after her husband passed away, she donated the plane to Wings of Hope. She feels her husband would have approved. I'm probably not doing the story justice, but it was fascinating, and I appreciated her sharing her story. We were probably at the store for an hour or two, chatting most of the time. By the time we left, it was closer to the starting time.

When we got back to the farm where the conference is held, we had fun playing with bubbles while we waited for the doors to open.

The conference started out with lunch. They had enlisted the services of two food trucks, and there was also lemonade and other drinks. I selected the food truck with tater tots covered in a variety of different toppings. Mine were poutine tots. They were delicious, though Mia, a Canadian fellow attendee, took one look at them and informed me they were not authentic (I asked).

As we entered, there were personalized goody bags on the table by the door, which included everyone's nametag (which is how the bags were labeled) and a bunch of supplies for the summit. There were little Lego people, t-shirts, a small notebook, some of those pens we had when we were little that have something like 15 colors in one pen, and more.

As the talks began, I made a point of writing every line of my notes in a different color. I felt at first this was a fun childlike way of writing notes. As the summit went on, I realized the choice of colors was getting harder, and rather than childlike, it was becoming symptomatic of adultitis, as I started missing things due to the choice of color taking place in my head. Lesson: Trying too hard to be childlike can be a symptom of adultitis.

The theme for this summit was: "EVERY DAY IS AN ADVENTURE"

Jason quoted Helen Keller: "Life is either a grand adventure or nothing." He pointed out that we often don't do something because we're afraid it won't work. Instead, we should ask ourselves, "What if it does work?"

From my notes:

The best adventures follow no maps.
"I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious." - Albert Einstein
What is one thing I can do to make this a little better?
Live like someone left the tank open. (This was inspired by an octopus who escaped its tank.)
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud became more painful than the risk it took to bloom." - Anaïs Nin
"This is not rocket surgery here."

They suggested shouting things like "You rock!" out your window at passersby. We need to hoard memories rather than things. We need to be more ridiculous.

Jason recommended tinker projects, which he has started doing. (He explains that in the link better than I could.)

Instead of saying "Here goes nothing" when trying something out, we should say, "Here goes something!"

For one of our activities, we made ugly cakes. We were given pre-made cakes with frosting and all kinds of random items to put on them. Each table formed a team, and we were to be as creative as possible. Our team's cake was "New York Zombie Apocalypse" (or something to that effect). We ripped the cake into several pieces and built structures on it. There were zombies involved. There was even a zombie penguin. It was pretty impressive, if I do say so myself!

Before dinner, we broke into teams and did improv games with an improv troupe from Wisconsin called Mojo Dojo. They were impressed with our improv chops, and we had a great deal of fun. After dinner, they did a show.

The weather was stormy off and on. At times it was sunny, and at other times, the clouds rolled in, the rain dumped, and they had some seriously epic lightning strikes. I was wishing I was fast enough with a camera to get pictures!

To be continued...

Kathy Griffin's Faux Pas

Thoughts on recent events related to a misguided picture posted this week that went viral...I suggest reading the whole thing before you respond.

All sides have good points.

No matter how much you hate a person, pretending to behead them the way Kathy Griffin did is a horrible, shameful deed, even if you have no intention to actually physically harm them.

A normal citizen who did that would be in prison, but it seems that rich, popular comedians only get their shows cancelled (rightly so).

Barron Trump is 11. Under no circumstances is it OK that he was led to believe, however briefly, that his father was brutally murdered. Nor is it OK for us to criticize Trump for defending his son.

It is just as horrible that Sasha and Malia Obama had to deal with seeing people hang their father in effigy, burn images of him, and otherwise commit the exact crime against Obama that Griffin committed against Trump. Since the Obama effigies didn't go as viral, I don't know if they were fooled as Barron was.

I think this has gotten more press than the Obama effigies because Griffin is higher profile than the Obama effigy-ers, and it looks more realistic.

I think it would help if Barron and Melania move to the White House as soon as possible so Barron will not be so easily fooled, having his father right there.

Kathy Griffin apologized. Many of the people calling for us to forgive her are the same people who call for the heads of people who do similar things to liberals, long after they apologize.

Kathy Griffin only apologized after being pressured to do so. However, I do believe we need to move on, and we do need to allow her some reprieve. It's more than she deserves, but every one of us has made horrible mistakes that we regret. Yes, she needs our forgiveness.

The Trump family has been deeply traumatized by this. Yet they have been called bullies for responding as any family would when threatened by a realistic-looking effigy. Griffin's act was one of the worst examples of bullying I have ever seen in my life. Calling the Trumps bullies for this is victim shaming at its finest. They have done enough actual bullying without criticizing them for their reaction that was probably much calmer than most families faced with this kind of brutal attack.

I have seen reports that Griffin has received death threats. This is even worse than what she did. I find the increase of death threats on social media in recent years to be a deeply disturbing trend that needs to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. It is never OK to threaten to kill someone, to tell them to commit suicide, or in any other way wish death on them. Even as a joke.

It is never OK to be glad of another person's misfortune. We must not rejoice that the Trumps have been traumatized and scarred, and we must not rejoice that Kathy Griffin lost her job.

Both Trump and Griffin are human. Both have done horrible, grievous things. Both are bullies. We need to hold them to high standards, but we also need to extend grace to both. Those of us who pray need to do so earnestly for both of them.

We must move on and let both sides heal. I was traumatized seeing that picture, and I don't even like Trump. I hope this is a wake up call to everyone that we need to be civil to each other.

False Musical Plots

My craziness has struck again. This time I decided to come up with musicals, using their actual titles, but summarize the plots completely wrong. Enjoy!

Wicked
About a bunch of candles that have just had their wicks installed. They have been wicked.

The Phantom of the Opera
The sad tale of Banquo's ghost in an opera version of the Scottish Play

Titanic
Inspired by Big, but he gets much, MUUUCCHHHH bigger!

Rent
About a rip in time and space... It is rent in twain!

Sister Act
A remake of White Christmas, focusing on the Haynes Sisters

Beauty and the Beast
A mysterious deformed creature haunts an opera house and trains a beautiful diva to sing

A Very Potter Musical
The Brady Bunch learns to make pots

Something Rotten
A musical about cleaning out the fridge at work

Cats
All the actors completely ignore the director, drawing a metaphorical parallel to herding cats

Hamilton
People get ill from eating a ton of ham

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
About a factory that churns out merchandise for the hit band "Charlie and the Chocolate"

Shrek
About a failed attempt at turning Star Trek into a musical. It was named with a mouth full of food. The person tried to say "Star Trek", but it came out all garbled.

The Buddy Holly Story
Two holly bushes become best friends

Once on This Island
Captain Jack Sparrow remembers the last time he was left marooned on this island. There was more rum at the time.

Elf
An elf moves to the Shire and revolutionizes the hobbits' gardens, songs and culture

Pippin
The Lord of the Rings from Peregrin Took's perspective

Young Frankenstein
A teenager learns honesty while drinking from a stein

Miss Saigon
Someone moves across the world from Vietnam and feels homesick. They really miss Saigon!

Aladdin
A boy is stuck in something, but what is the lad in? You don't find out until the end.

Urinetown
Where you are once you get downtown: you're in town.

Evita
A Spanish musical about avoidance

Sunset Boulevard
A musical about a road that is stuck in a time loop at sunset

Mamma Mia!
Super Mario Bros, the Musical!

The Drowsy Chaperone
An elementary field trip goes wrong when the overworked and underpaid parent who comes along falls asleep

Spamalot
The ultimate war against junk mail. Canned meat gets thrown across the stage.

The Civil War
A polite disagreement among gentlemen

Man of La Mancha
A Spanish man applies to Starbucks and specializes in making macchiatos​. (Mancha and macchiato literally mean "stain" in Spanish and Italian, respectively.)

The Wizard of Oz
After an exemplary career at Hogwarts, the potions master retires to sell potions by the ounce.

Ragtime
That time of the day when things get so dirty that simple tissues won't do.

Into the Woods
A sequel of Legally Blonde, where the main character is a huge fan of Elle Woods

Camelot
Set in the desert, where there are lots and lots of camels

My Fair Lady
The sad tale of Sansa Stark and her ill-fated direwolf

Bat Boy
In an attempt to sound cooler and more menacing, Robin rebrands himself

The King & I
The life and times of Priscilla Presley

State Fair
Iowa is rated as simply fair. Not great, not horrible, just fair.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Josh Groban's dog must be exorcised when he starts biting off people's hair

Hairspray
A mad scientist invents an aerosol can that sprays hair everywhere.

Matilda
The sad tale of an Australian swagman who stole a jumbuck and jumped in a billabong rather than be arrested. It involves a fair amount of waltzing.

The Slipper and the Rose
"Rose Tyler, I - "

Chicago
The entire cast gets blown across the stage by a strong wind

Carousel
Travelers at the airport are constantly losing their baggage because the baggage claim carousel isn't working right

Labyrinth
The third task of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, extended into a full length musical

Oliver!
An amateur gardener calls in the professionals to groom his olive tree

The Scarlet Pimpernel
A star-crossed lover picks the perfect red flower for his beloved girlfriend

Love Never Dies
An appropriately-named musical in which the lovers truly love each other, are utterly faithful to each other, and they both survive. In fact, they are vampires, so they are immortal.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie must take extreme measures to protect herself from the ongoing threat of Miss Hannigan, Rooster, and their devious schemes to find Easy Street

Mame
About a serial murderer who can't spell right

Annie
All about Annie Oakley and her sharpshooting skills

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
A futuristic story of an innovative young lad who invents a coat that can project movies

Hello Dolly!
Dolly keeps missing the painfully obvious. I mean, hello!!

Groundhog Day
Old Ivy finally defeats the Chipmunks, and the mayor declares a holiday to celebrate. J. Pierrepont Finch gives a speech (sung, of course) at the ceremony.

Addams Family
Belle meets her future in-laws

Jersey Boys
A group of football players campaigns to replace their old outdated jerseys

The Falsettos
The show must go on, despite all the sopranos and altos having various unavoidable conflicts to the choral concert. The tenors and basses must cover for them.