Saturday, February 11, 2017

Proposed Laws of Nature

Have you ever wished you could lobby for a new law of nature? Not just a legal law that can be broken, but a natural law that is impossible to break. Things like the laws of gravity (though, granted, I propose exceptions to that below) and physics. I've been pondering this lately, and these are my proposals so far:

  • Snow may fall and ice may form anywhere except on roads, driveways, sidewalks and vehicles.
  • Rain must cut it out before floods accumulate. If it must continue to rain at that point, the rain must relocate to locations more in need of water.
  • Natural disasters must confine themselves to locations uninhabited by people or animals. I would suggest Mars.
  • Hailstones must be no larger than your average pea.
  • Tsunamis must always crash out to sea, never inland. If there are boats or surfers in the proposed path, the tsunami must wait until they are out of the way.
  • There needs to be a limit on how thick fog can get. I would suggest a minimum visibility of 75 feet.
  • Wind must be considerate and not destructive.
  • Clouds must block the sun over the horizon at sunrise and sunset, at least during March and September.
  • Skin must be unburnable.
  • Wounds and maladies of all sorts must heal as fast as they do for Wolverine. However, replacing bones with adamantium would not be necessary.
  • Vision may diminish to a point where glasses are needed for minor correction, but it must never progress to the point of blindness. The other senses must never diminish.
  • Teleportation and human flight must be achievable and normal modes of transportation.
  • Food, water and coffee must always be available to those who need them.
  • Smoke and exhaust must be odorless and harmless.
  • Fire must not stray from its intended location, provided it is intended for use in cooking, keeping warm, and campfires (and other beneficial uses, as needed). If set with malicious intent, it must be impossible to set.
  • Meteors must avoid crashing on planets and spacecraft.
  • The Northern and Southern Lights must be visible to more of Earth, more often. When forecast, it must be visible. It is all right for it to be somewhat rare, though, as that would preserve the novelty. Just less rare than it currently is.
  • Science, healthcare, sports and the arts must always be held in high regard, and never repressed or under funded. They must be easily affordable both to provide and to patronize.
  • Food must always be beneficial to a person's health. An excess of food must not lead to an excess of weight.
  • Pimples must disappear, never to return, the instant a person turns 16.
  • Back orders on products, especially if they are essential, must be impossible. 

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